Once a Glutton always a glutton

All of those people whoever harbored any resentment towards my formerly slim figure can relax now and sleep in peace. I have officially gained back most of the kilos i lost with my intensive dieting. Its all good though, i feel so alive once more hehehe. beleive it or not just now one of my office mates looked at the picture on my id card and said i looked too lean back than and more attractive right now...Its hard to find clothes and at times fit in through narrow doorways but its just soo damn fulilling(literally) to eat without feeling guilty.

I am in no hurry to start dieting again becos there's no pressure. My boyfriend thinks my spare tyres are sexy and he doesnt complain about my XL bazoomas. Plus my non existent Ass is showing promise with the more fats i consume. hehehe

The pros out number the cons so i am sticking with the PHat...for now...who knows

I am back baby

(The picture is of my 3 month old nephew, yes a boy in a bikini...he looks good in anything!!)

Shaal if you are planning to come back home wearing a "Burugaa" you better think twice, becos you won't be very welcome. Ever since the bombing at Sultan park kutti Nasheed has vowed to remove all the burugaas in Male' and where them as a a gigantic skirt to hide his so obvious "pussy". Well anyways i also feel that one should better think twice before opting for more "fothi" cos things are just getting to be too damn expensive. The prices of everything from Onions to Taxi rides are increasing. Lets not even talk about the rent of houses...lord have Mercy!!!
Maybe its just me but i feel like the whole of the Maldivian Male population have been given a dose of oestrogen. Every where i turn i see some guy wearing my mums dhupatta as a shirt or eye liner and lip gloss. What happened to the Manly men who used to go fishing. No no no!! none of these gay suckers would dare pull a line, god forbid they might break a nail. Bangles, extensions, ear rings, nose rings and nipple rings are must haves in their wardrobes. i just can't help but feel these are signs of the end of dayz..brrr mama i still need to become a millionaire.
If you happen to walk on the road now you'll see two extremes. On one side the modest women covered from head to toe in black and on the other side bare naked ladies with their short skirts and tube tops. I have no problems with either but i thought it would just be worth mentioning. Maybe someone who reads this might have something to say about this.
I think i have officially given up partying not because i think everybody who goes to bounce tommmorow night are goin to hell but because i am sick and tired of having to see people passing out, throwing up all over the place, the new techno age"i can't stand the shit", The oohh look at what she's wearing looks, being thirsty and covered in sand.................

Well thats all i have to say today...
heheh
babye

She did it again!!

I beleive that god put me on this earth to heard, to be admired by young and old, to cover songs which need improvement!! Who am i you ask? I am Muneefa.........

Just like our friend Shanee Muneefa is one who beleives that she can sing...in public. We dont mind you singing in your shower, in your living room, to your family and loved ones. But please not for me not for the general public. I dont think we can evolve enough to be able to tolerate your voice or your style. Yes i have to reach a certain peak of irritation before i just cannot without blogging about a character. I dont go around dissing people for no reason, this is for the better good of everyone in this community right here.

I was Kind of like upto my kneck till last Friday, thats when the last straw was pulled. I guess you are all familiar with Mihandhaanugaa. Its a show where well known "singers" from Male' get up and do covers. Some twist and turn the songs so much they are hardly recognizable. Muneefa gave us the pleasure of singing a little something last year.... what was it?.... errm yeah Errrayy haada Rui mey(exactly the way i've written it). She did a really sexy version of a song which was written by someone following the tragic drowning of some of his family members. Yes Betty crocker says the best substitute for Sorrow is Sexiness. Just when i thought she couldn't top herself she went and proved me wrong...and she did one hell of a job. Do you all know the song: "Ley kokaalaa Malun Foni boneetho"that was the lamb she brought to slaughter..How it braighed, screamed and neighed. Looking like an absolute slut from Bangkok she started the song in a really deep voice. and the half way through did a little falsetto which was uncalled for. Yup this is entertainment!! raw crazy entertainment. She did a little speach before starting the song about how she always wanted to present something different to the Audience. Well my dear There's good different and theres horrible, unlistenable, painful different. You decide which different she was aiming for.

Well the best part is you can use it as an I-tune i think the ID is 2353

Why??

Why doesn't it rain when i want it to?

Today is the last day of a very long week and i can't wait for the clock to strike nisa "get up and leave". As i wait for the clock to move its slow ass hands it starts to rain. Shucks shucks and more shucks what good is rain today. I can't lie down with a book and cosey up in bed. I can't go out and do a little rain dance with my Umbrella(i've learned some moves from Rihannas music video). Rain why couldn't you have waited just one more day?? just another 24 hours. Tommorow is Friday and i can sleep to your sweet sound tap tapping on my window. But noooo you won't gimme that pleasure will you? Maybe i'll just resign and go home to enjoy this cold morning. Nope i wont becos i know you'll stop pouring down the minute i quit. That is just how you work and i will not give you the pleasure...absolutely not

Rain, I remember how you used to make it really difficult for me to get to school on the Final day. Everytime whether it be March, June or November i always had to wade through so much water to get to school on the final day. The next day or the first day of my school holidays there would not be a cloud in the sky and the sun would be shining in all its glory. Life is a test i know? but do i have to be tested so harshly...do i have to be tortured so...Sun why do you have to be so efficient? why can't you take some time off...say only from this direction. Honestly we are tired of being too close to equator ............now Gahir is here with the latest retaliation...i gotta G...O

Out with the Old

I watched FREINDS from beginning to end and admit that i enjoyed it somewhat. But i really don't know why some folks can't get over the show. Especially with the really crummy predictable ending...who would've thought that Ross and Rachel would get back together and live happily ever after. Its not like they have a child together or something..oh no wait!! they do dont they??!!.I lost my real interest in friends when i discovered that they had a lot of borrowed material from my all time favorite comedy show Seinfeld. in comparison FRIENDS doesnt even come close to Seinfeld in terms of originality or acting. Well its no big secret that the appeal behind FRIENDS was the attractive cast. its Human nature to be attracted to things that are symmetrical and beautiful. Girls from this superficial day and age (including me) really look forward to seeing the latest hairstyle on Rachel(Jennifer Aniston) and the funky jewellery modelled by Phoebe(Lisa Kudrow). FRIENDS comes in a very pretty package i guess thats why most people can't get enough of it. I saw this group in FACEBOOK where grown men come and laugh about old jokes quoted from friends. Gimme a break guys i am fasting, do you have to be this lame? do you? Some jokes like the stuff from friends can only be funny ones. Plus there is a lot of background that usually leads to the joke. So when it does not apply to your situtation it is just painful for people like me, i am being really serious here.

I mean Cmon i was totally in love with Sex and City and hated to see it come to an end. But i am over it now and sure hope as hell it doesnt come back again. Why? you ask. Well because most of em are over forty and not very sexy anymore even after extensive surgery and designer wear. but i have overheard people at coffees talking about friends imitating them and oh my gawwwwwwwwwd.... i think i am losing it. This always happens to me when my fellow Maldivians like something too much..Once upon a time Lady in Red was a beautiful ballad but now its just like over chewed gum you just wanna spit it out....Umbrella is going to sink faster than the Titanic in my charts too if i dont stop hearing it all the time. Its really hard for this society right here to accept something new. Once in a blue moon we get an update and we hold onto it and bleed it try. till the vultures won't even come close to the remains...I am just sick and tired of this whole friends craze and the rest of the stuff thats reached the cult status here, ye know like Maroon five(blech), Savage garden(oomph), Asha bhosle(eeeek), and oh my lord the infernal ALI ZEE(choke,gasp. drop dead!!!)................................................................

Saleem with the Pretty Name

Its been soo long maybe too long since i wrote on my blog. Since Minister Nasheed with all his responsibilities(brushing his hair and sitting on his ass) has time to update his blog i should too. I'll take another chance to write about Nasheed but this time the focus is on the one the only "Nanreethi Saleem". Don't get me wrong guys but i am not trying to be the least bit political. Although i may tip a little over to the side where Maumoon is not on i am not all for MDP either. I am on the side of right(meaning my best interests). But you can bet your ass and Gonads that i will never support IDP and Adhaalath party. Those two Parties will be the end of us. Already the Indians have mentioned us being a part of some bomb attack. Pretty soon they will start killing all the women who do not wear burugaas. I am a Muslim flesh and blood but i will never support Muslim extremist they are no better then Nazi's. I am sure god will not have any space for them haters in heaven. God from Kutti Nasheed to hell how did i get here??? i was supposed to be writing about the Human Rights commissioner. AAaah to hell with this paragraph let us try again on the next one.

Nanreethi Saleem really knows his human rights. If he does not want to respect other human beings that is his right, right?? He can only hold up a decent conversation for 2 Min's before he gets off track and into thilhai and nagoo balhaa mode. He almost said "Nagoobalhun" at some people on TVM hehehe way to go Mr. human rights commissioner. To get on peoples good side he has devised a full proof plan which is..tada tadatada blaming the Police. You know how everybody hates the police. Mr. Nanreethi forgets at times that even though they are trained to bust your asses(god bless them) they are still human and have their rights as well. Just the other day there was this instance where a bangaalhee was tied up in chains inside their quarters. This loon went and blamed the cops saying it was police brutality. Well it just so turned out that one of the workers stepped up and took responsibility for the wrong doing. What business would a cop have inside a bangaalhee head quarters anyway (except for the occasional gay rendezvous) My mum told me that it was against Saleem's better principles to ever respect anyone well except for Maumoon who puts food on his plate. So the next time you see Nanreethi Saleem you can spit on him, why? because it is your human right to be able to spit on scum.

A Human rights activist should:

1- Be a Human (not half snake)

2- Be able to empathize starting with a simple smile

3- Have balls- which i doubt he has

4-Brush his teeth(look closely at the picture I have posted)

5-have eyebrows- because it is just scary not to have them(i could give him some of mine)

Note: notice that the flowers seem to be almost wilting in his presence....urrgghh my skin crawls

He does not fit even one of the above criteria so lets bring the bugger down......heave hoooo

Think about it-" wink"," wink"," wink"

Sugar ohhh honey honey

Sugar is here!! although it wasn't easy, the doc had to cut hidhy open and drag him out. All those pregnant mummy's out there, word of advise IGMH isn't the most advisable place to give birth. It took them two days to decide on whether to operate on my sister in law and by the time sugar was bored and his heart beating had slowed down to 50 beats per minute. Thank god he reached our hands safely. We are hopefully going to name him Mohamed Kian Saif, that is if the name is approved by the Islamic committee. My brother dear is a father now and i am the proud Aunt of a nephew for the first time...i have two extra cute neices already and also one more nephew on the way. Kian is so soft smooth and squisshable........i am also the god mother and my baby darling I-dhee is the godfather

She can't dance either

In the name of all that is holy "Shaanee"cannot sing. You'll know what i mean when you see her version of La isla bonita. She aint that bad looking compared to the other broads in the industry but her wailing is just too much for me to take. Who the hell told her she could sing??shame on you people!! you call you self friends? Friends don't let their friends humiliate themselves in public over and over again. A lot of "not there yet" Maldivians list her as a favourite artist but they couldn't be more wrong. Her personal style makes her sound like a chain smoking transexual who is close to completing the transition. Damnit woman just listen to yourself. I want more than anything for you to read my blog and get back to me because i have put a great deal of thought on just what i wanna say to you.

I am not being unconditionally mean, right?!!. She hosted the "Crystal Meth awards" the other night and she couldn't help but ask her co host Super star Manik if he could sing. Yes she was fishing for compliments but thank god Manik was too self involved to satiate her need for reassurance. Instead of saying "I couldnt possibly sing like Amy Winehouse or Shanee" he made some lame joke about people having to wear a bucket to hear him sing. Thank you Manik you may have just stopped Shanee from accellerating Ozone depletion by bringing out another Album, God bless you son...of Sam...!!(Couldn't help it Manik)

But the saddest fact remains that since Shanee is a "singer" her kids will step into the scene sooner or later. There's no escape for us from Generations and generations of Shaaneess.....Arrrgh lord take me now(i can be totally dramatic when i want to). No amount of hate mail is going to stop her from torturing our ears. Because she beleives that she is gifted and should share her blessing with all of us. Darling Shanee please, look at what happened to Mahmoodha and her partner in crime Fathimath rauf. They both got so grotesquely obese they couldnt move their chins without help which led to their ealry retirement(not a minute too early for me). This could easliy be your fate sweet heart so i suggest you hand the mic over to me.

Niuma I have nothing against you pfffttttt but i couldnt get a picture of her majesty so i had to post yours.

Gangs of Male'

Yesterday an 18 year old girl was found dead. Cause of death you ask?? Seems she was pushed off a ledge. Violence is gaining on us like the blob. Feeding off the parteys and growing as we speak. Last week one of my colleagues purse was snatched by two rodents on a motorcycle. A friend of a friend got stabbed in the back with a Sword. About two weeks back my office got burgled. It may not be pink and slimy but the increasing crime rate grosses me out even more.

So what can we do about it??????? Gather up and make an "NGO" for the cause. Nope!! no go. Making your own gang to fight crime like the Ninja turtles would be more effective. Conduct awareness programs....pfft hahaha-in from one ear out the other you know what i am saying. Jail em up...this is the worst option of all. with the current conditions at the Maafushi pententiary if you lock someone up for petty theft he will graduate and come out as a fully trained, Drug abusing, homosexual, theiving, senseless murderous crook. Its true they do learn a lesson but not the kinda noble lesson that we are trying to teach em, but they learn from the dhaadha's who are sentenced for life who have no remorse or regret. So you see its a lost cause there is simply nothing that we can do. Sure a parent can follow their child to school and keep em locked up safely at home. But for how long?? eventually Buddha too stepped out from the perfect world his parents had built for him into the ugliness of reality. Where he was overwhlemed by the unfairness of the world our children are fascinated and excited about all the naughty things they could go about doing. Sex, drugs and rock roll yall!!!

But I've come to find out that many kids are learning to take the right path after seeing how misfortunate and pathetic their parents or brothers and sometimes sisters turn out to be. They do not wanna end up dead, insane and permanantly broke because of an addiction. Instead they want to get educated to become resepectable responsible citizens. So you see, in the end its nature who is doing the job for us isn't it. Cos there is absolutely nothing we can do. You can try and prove me wrong.

Smoooochy booochies

Aloha

Damn its been too long since i've written anything on my blog. I've just been too busy and uninspired i guess. Its that time of the year again when friends living abroad come flocking home for Summer. But sadly it aint the summer of 69 it used to be here. The tides are rolling in and we are slowly but surely going under. We have to either speed up evolution and develop some quality gills or just drown and die a painful death(imagine gawk splutter aaahh urrghh). I know its only natural for us to not wanna leave our beautiful home and flee to safety. But i am afraid it is the only chance we have of surviving. Question is where do we go. I heard from my work "mate" that "Australians" have already allocated space for us refugees to camp at when disaster does strike.

What i can't get right now is the fact that the government is planning to open more resorts. Why the hell aren't they willing to see that 20 years from now we'd be lucky to have 10 atolls above sea level.

Finally "food safety" has come into the light (read it like terminator). Food joints are being closed down by the dozen. That big ol place called SLAM was slammed shut because of rodent infestation and diseased staff. For some reason i always did avoid going there (someone up there is surely looking out for me). One of my Fav haunts Mughalai was shut down not shocking since its run by Indians, who arent really known for their sense of hygeine. Guess there wont be anymore Naan nights with Baxoo..damn. I wonder whats gonna happen when they move onto the harbour i bet the places are gonna go down one after the other like dominoes.

aaaahhhhhhh the laze the laze its takin me overrrr...can't type no more..

Baby Talk

Its been too long since i last watered my lil Rose.....sorry darling. Honestly i was too busy the past week my writing had to be temporarily blocked.

Guess what i went baby sitting, this is actually the second time around and eventhough its been months since the last time, i do think i've improved..or maybe the baby was too tired to give me a hard time. Three cheers for all the mums out there for their endurance and unbeleivable patience.

No doubt about it i wanna be a mum i've even picked out baby names for my baby's. I am not gonna jinx anything by revealing the names right now so lets just slide. Like every mum i want my baby to be very healthy. and by healthy i mean really chubby with cute lil love handles, big cheeks and fluffy baby bottom(hopefully my baby is gonna inherit idy's cute round heiny). My sister Cutee and Fine were the best baby's. All you had to do was feed them make em look pretty and your all set. No wailing or tantrums if they looked a bit unsettled it meant they needed some sugar. I guess stuffing their teeny mouthy wouthy's is one way to keep baby's from bawling. This method is totally useless for any child of nani's. Yana! Yana! Yana! she is so pretty, so clever and so naughty. There is no way you can get the better of her. I am her aunt and she has never willingly come to my arms, except for the time she slept on my shoulder(she was about 3 months and verry verry tired right about then).

I am so fucking sleepy this morning so i'll just stop right here.....until the next time......toootaatatatata

Ooh and by the way theres gonna be a dj at Bandos featuring some UK popband called Unleashed. This is the first time I've even heard of the group and hopefully it will be the last and there is no way in hell i am going to cross the wide open sea to subject myself to European torture. I've been dying to dance but somehow i feel this event is a must miss. So i'll take that rain check-Thank you

Pro- ?????????????

8th of June!!!!i am dreading the arrival of that fateful date when the whole world will find out how pathetic our modelling industry is. Why???? why would anybody want to put themselves in a glass house and call out them boys with sling shots. It is one thing to have small fashion shows to show case the designs of some hopeful homosexual but it is totally another when you invite international models who can actually reach a door knob without standing on their toes. One of my palios who went to watch the rehearsals said it was a slut fest and none of the girls were even bearable. It pains me so to have our country ridiculed world wide and i know how cruel people from the fashion industry can be(no no not from experience but by watching trendz , Janice Dickons show and ofcourse America's next top model). I know by international models being a part of the show it actually refers to struggling Indian models but even those girls would look like goddesses next to our line of smurfets.

But the hypocritical fact remains that i am definitely going to be among the crowd for this show. To check out the music from the almighty "fasy"(who i think is a great musician but an entertainer i am not so sure- ) well and to support the models. I am sure the whole carnival is going to be packed. Not because people have so much faith that this event is going to be a blast but Male' is over populated and most of us have nothing better to do on a Friday evening. You should have seen the crowd that turned up for the launching of the "Haashaviyani raajaa cd" mostly kids. Once again i was among the crowd amazed at how parents entertain their kids these days(including my sister nani). I mean Muhamma is just gross apart from being a money laundering, womanizing psycho. OOh and if the local crowd does happen to find something to do the banglaa boys will be sure to pack the place up.

You know i think the problem with these organizers is that they aim too high(or maybe they are too high). They could make a smaller event with more quality. It is a fact that when you want to start something like this it is better to work with a controlled crowd first. This way you will find how much the crowd appreciates your effort and actually have a better chance of showing some proffesionalism. Try copying a fashion event first and than work towards making your own. You cant really determine the success of a fashion because of the turn out especially since popular bands are playing. But this is just what i think, the only positive that i can see from this show is that a lot of people will get to view the work. Well that too could have been arranged in a more profitable way perhaps by selling the cd to TV maldives or cd shops i am sure it would sell. I dont know i have so many fucking ideas and i know so many creative people but i dont have the cash or the drive to run around looking for sponsors. So i guess what my lazy ass has to say doesn't hold any weight. But i am just happy to get the weight of my thoughts off my shoulder.

Ooh and i can't wait for the 8th of June either because my bestest best buddy is coming home and this time for good. And one more thing Idy i love you!!!

Note: the picture is of my favorite indian model of all time Deepanita

Close your eyes baby..............

No doubt the Tsunami that struck in 2004 was the biggest disaster to ever hit the Maldives. Well not anymore Maumoon has slapped us in the face with an even bigger disaster, The Tsunami Monument. As you can see in the picture it looks like an immense, diseased dick. Whoever designed it must have been watching porn excessively or dating a horse with measles. I am sooo very proud of the person who picked out this hideous obscenity from a line up of designs. I guess just fucking with us didnt do for "him" he had to build the ultimate "up yours" for the whole world to see.

How in the world does that long cylindrical "erection"(giggle) remind us of the Tragic Tsunami. Hmm lemme think the shaft is the water rising and the little bubbly things are the helpless people caught in it. According to maums the thing is supposed to symbolize how the people worked together in unison to rise above the crisis. But the problem is those little bubbles depicting the people failt to rise above the gigantic dildo. So which means that we still havent been able to overcome to the effects of Tsunami. Which is true in a way since there are people still living in sub-human conditions after losing their house and homes in this disaster. It must have taken a substantial amount of money to finish off a metal structure of this magnitude. Instead of wasting so much money on creating an "eye sore" why not invest the money for a good cause. Well i guess the point here is to build as many monuments as he can now, so that we will be reminded of his greatness even after he is long gone. Sadly, since we are for the most part a muslim country "the big man" can't build statues of himself. A life size liking of him would have to be built on a 20 feet tall pedestal if he wants to be visible to 3ft. Dont worry Maumoon we wont forget you and we wont forgive you, you can share the darkest corner of our hearts with Idi Amin, Saddam and George W. Bush.

I would like a word with who designed this monstrosity. I wanna know if he was playing a joke? God!!! to this day i have never seen a monument worth looking at never. That thing near the Islamic Centre is so damn wierd looking. It might fit in a technologically advanced destination like Japan with all its gleaming glory but not here. Something with a more natural Woody feel would have gone better. We have so many creative people here in the Maldives but with their hands tied firmyl behind them. Since we are on the subject of limiting creativity, let me tell you how the Air Maldives Logo came to be. Once upon a time when my sister nani was in the Air Maldives she asked my brother beebee to help her design a logo for her. As hard as it was to get him of his lazy ass, she managed to get some sketches out. You know what the treacherous scum at the deciding committee did. They took my bro's design changed some colours and some lines and called it their own. Would he ever wanna design something again???? Why the fuck would he. It feels bad to not be praised for a job well done but even worse to see someone else get all the glory. (damn it felt good to get that off my weighty chest).

I am calling anyone out there who can draw a full circle (nay thats too hard), anyone out there who can tell the difference between a flower and a piece ofTurd. Let us all join hands and "Free Willy". Tear the thing down and drop it into the sea.

Just go up and look at that thing!!! piss pisss

Aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!

I had totally put my guard down, why would i need a guard anyway i was just watching T.V. Alas it turned out that I did need a guard and a helmet and a blind fold too. I almost fainted when i saw what was dancing in front of me...blink ...blink it wouldnt go away. Suneeta in a very short dress with high cut boots and rebonding. I hear the San Fransisco Zoo uses this combo to put Grizzly bears to sleep. If not for the handy work of the cameraman, who conveniently managed to dodge the main star in the video and focus on the back ground crowd, the whole of Male' would have to have Therapy sessions for six months at the least. Well those of you reading this may think i am an over exaggerating, heartless bitch but browas and sista's if you've seen what i've seen ........you wouldnt judge me so harshly.

For those of you who arent familiar with the dancetress in question let me give you a breif introduction. As far as i know Suneeta was launched into the spotlight from a short series film first telecast in the fasting season of 1993(or somewhere around there). She played the part of an extremely beautiful woman who was compared to the moon more than once. Back in those days there was no fair and lovely and no chemical bleach so Suneeta was in her natural colour for the most part undetectable in the dark even with the cheap lighting by Fikry. So the only time it would be right to compare her to the moon is during a total eclipse. Dont get me wrong I am a woman of colour and i do beleive the darker the chocolate the better it tastes. But I wouldnt compare Naomi to the moon now would?? I know i am geting side tracked here but what's the dealio with comparing a pretty face to the moon. From what i've seen it's chalk white with craters. The only fair comparison to the moon would be that of Ali Shiyam, he is unnervingly fair and has craters.

Getting back to the glamourous life of one Suneeta. She went out of the lime light for a while and reappeared with a bang at the stage in the western harbour. There used to be a show called the hafthaanimun where fisherman would be lined up for a glimpse of the high light of the evening the "queen of the night". And that was before she lost weight and beleive you me the vibrations on the stage didnt come from the blare of the speakers, now you do the math. From time to time Suneeta did get the chance to star in a video or two but never reached Mariyam Nisha, Shiraanee or Niuma status. Although i cant figure out why, Suneeta may look like Princess Fiona in her Ogre form but who is any better. Shiraanee looks like a piranha when she opens her mouth and well Niuma looks like an evil witch. For some strange reason the public won't accept the dancing Diva. i guess the TV screens arent strong enough to contain the power house that is Suneeta. Let me tell you a very recent incident that I happened to hear about. Rishmee the Cod fish girl from one of my previous posts produces song videos which really sell in Male'. I do beleive that the Yaara saga is the Maldivian equivalent to Sesame Street, Barney or the Tele Tubby show, very high in demand among kids below the age of 10. In her third effort Rishmee made the mistake of casting Suneeta to replace a star who had fallen ill. Her sales experienced the biggest downward spiral ever. I guess in the end she would have had to distribute free copyies to sexually deprived dhoni crew. God Bless Suneeta!!

If you watch a Suneeta video without reading the caution notice first you might mistake her for a Transvestite. firstly she has no grace and there is something extremely masculine about her features. And praise the lord she loves to wear Lycra and other leathery materials to dance which doesnt flatter her figure the least bit. If you watch circus acts and such you might have seen "caucasions"(key word here) wear skin coloured stockings instead of bearing their own skin on stage for the world to see. Well modest Suneeta does the same when she wears sexy outfits, but since her skin colour is nowhere near "caucasion" even after the intensive bleaching and pigment creams. Which results in her looking like a cheap prostitute from a Brazilian night club instead of the sexy vixen she aims to be.

I could go on and on about Suneeta......which gives me an idea.....Ting....i should right a book about Suneeta and Assad shareef. Oooh and i saw him yesterday at Novelty engrossed in reading an actual book....getting more attractive by the minute isnt he single lady's...we were so wrong to think he just chose looks, he chose books too.....

I guess the best way to end this post would be to say

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!

(Note: please, i beg you check out the video of craxy hiyaaley)

Hanging on

Another month has come and gone, leaving its mark on so many people, people who died, people who were born, people who got promotions, people who got sacked, folks that came together and folks that had to part. I for one had to say goodbye to my beloved office timing. Thanks to our New administrator my two hour break time has been reduced to a measly one. And leave Saturday i have to be in the office before or at 8.00....I think i should have gone out to rally with the mdp gang. I mean how the fuck am i supposed to walk to my house eat and releive myself and get back to the office all in one hour. Despite all this i love my office mostly because of the lovable people who work there.

Sharima is the sweetest most sincere person you can ever meet, she is so patient it amazes me. Khaleel can be a pain in the ass most of the time but he has a good sense of humour which makes up for the annoyingness... Oh and there is Suneesh who is our accountant, he is not one of those ruthless typical accountants. He is the best Indian in the world. Polite, kind hearted and so very innocent oh! not to forget he looks like ibbe from Mahurab just a bit thinner thats all(by the way single lady's he is still up for grabs). Deepa is kinda new but so far she has proven to be a team player. Riza is so very proper and queer, its hard to tell whether he is a cookie or a playboy(he has been married 3 times) he thinks abe is very attractive, which is the ultimate gay test. Theres Solih who comes into the office once in a while to browse some porn who i thought was an Indian.I actually made jokes at him in his face thinking he wouldnt understand. And lastly my one and only boss shahid who has a very kind heart and bright ideas. Before i forget i have to include Gahir right hand man to shahid who is obsessed with the Mdp. The most interesting thing about him is his hairstyle which changes with the weather you'll know what i mean when you meet him.

I guess it all comes down to the people. Take male' for instance eventhough it is such a beautiful place most of us are forced to hate it because of the people living in it. Prying, back stabbing, cunning, evil bastards who live among us. In the same pissed off noted i have to mention that Maumoon has increased by the price of all food items probably to pay off the loans he took to buy that hot new BMW and the extention to his house in Kuwait. A felivaru masdhalhu costs 9 Rufiya ....fuck, fuck, fuck the system...all i can do right now is hope they all burn in hell. Amen

Note: Baby congratulations on "finally" passing your written driving test hope you pass the pracs tooo.. umah 4 more days baby just 4 more days

Ode to my Fat Self

No matter what i'll always be a fatty at heart

Eventhough my flabs and me did part

I cant do with this coffee cup

I long to eat till i cant stand up

Just watching Travel channel makes me drool

I have to look away to keep my cool

It aint easy to refrain when abes around

to watch while he eats the whole house to the ground

but it'd be a crying shame to bloat up again

gotta fight that urge and try to maintain

i used to be addicted to Garudhiya and Rice

Ice Cream and Waffles and Chocolate on Ice

I need to fit into the dress in the glass

Food!! thats why with a sigh i have to pass

Sometimes i dream of swimming in cheese

Like this at night myself i tease

Damnit Nisa!!! Woman get a grip

if you want to fit into that tiny slip

http://www.flickr.com/photos/7757566@N04/

Oh yeah follow the link you see and you will be taken to an enchanting place.....trust me

"Masburi Riha"

If you want to discover true Maldivian cuisine look no further there's point in Majeedhee Magu close to ADK hospital called Aibalhey kada. My baby and mi bro brought home some of the goodies the other night. And i found out that those gluttons werent exaggerating bout the "Masburi Riha"(Translates into fish curry-big cuts of fish). I know the name sounds a lil profound but dont knock it till you've tried it. But you gotta be tolerant of a little spice if you wanna eat it. According to my Omni informed brother abe (only about the food joints- he is a walking meat truck) it goes best with Roti. Cos Farata's won't soak it all in.

Also According to legend (from the chronicles of Idy) lots of other Cafe's have tried to make their Masburi Riha taste like Aibalhey's but all their efforts proved in vain. I have a very good tongue for ingredients i think immana try and cook up some "Masburi Riha". I could definitely taste black pepper, coconut, onions, garlic, salt, lime and chillie's. Ye know just writing this article is making my mouth water. Although i know most of you who are unaware of this state treasure wont find the name of the dish or the place its served at very appetizing. ("Aibalhey Kada" translates into Misshapen arm).

Looking at events at hand seems there's going to be a dj at bandos on the third of April. It was originally scheduled for the 3rd of May but got delayed cos of funds. I know its not gonna be all that good. Even if the dj's do a good job, we'll soon forget about it because of the long queue for the ferry back and the thirst......and all those people you dont wanna see. Note this down too on your social calenders that theres going to be a Big Concert tommorow night for Road Safety or summin. Seems a lot of bands are gonna be playing on the show. You'll be sure to see me there with my better half.

Early tommorow morning before the bangalhees wake up "Bonny n Clyde" are gonna head on over to Hulhumale' to catch some fishies for my make-do tank... Guess what suckers i have a dancing fish..really you wont beleive how adorable it is. But you can't have it BLAaaaaaaaaattttttttttttttttt

Hot hot heat

I maybe crossing the line here but i really dont deserve to go to hell. Not after being born and forced to live in Male'. (I guess if i had to choose between hell and Male' right now hell would be rather tempting, since i wouldnt have to work) You would know what i mean if you were here. It is just sooo fucking hot. The other day i was just gettting back to the office from having breakfast when i had a heat stroke...honestly.... my vision blurred and i puked. Poor Pigeon that laid an egg beside the AC outside my room was dissapointed to find that her baby had been hard boiled before it had anytime to become a lil chick...bummer.. I drink like three glasses of water step outside and voila like magic my lips are all dry as if i hadnt been drinking water all day..Curse this weather.

I bet its the prayers of the resort owners that keeps the rain at bay. Sunny Maldives, Sun, Sea and Sand......but i cant live like this grrrrr grrr. Those people come down for only a week or so try living here 365 days a year in this doggone heat.I need to do some Hokus Pokus and make it rain. I can't imagine how these freaking women are walking around in their black Hijaabs or any sort of burugaa.....it is really beyond me. Maybe they dont wear any under wear, i shoud look into that, more like look under..Funny thing is the weather report says its 32 degrees outside. Well i dont rely on the weather-man here since aparently according to him the Temperature in Male' cant go above 32 degrees..its the maximum degree.... fuck that...Its too hot i cant type anymore .. i am just gonna close my eyes and pretend i am with Pingoo in his Iglooo.......chirpy chirpy cheep cheep.

Till Death Do us Part

Since the beginning of time I have always kept a pet. May it be a tad pole, fish or foul. Unfortunately i have delivered many to the hands of God, who inturn trashed them since theres no use for those lil spirits. Dont Alert Green Peace but i may have been responsible for the death of an uncountable amount of fish, two crabs, four snails, 2 birds, 2 lobsters, 7 turtles(all of them died young so i guess they would not have suffered so much). I loved them to bits (maybe thats the problem). At times i do forget to change the water in the fish tank, and they may have to go without food for a day. But GUYSss!!! dont give up on me i Love you.

Well right now i am the proud owner of two fighting fish....I started out with four but now i am left with just 2. Plus very recently on my anniversary i added three more fish to my collection. Idhy and me we adopted them from the Hulhumale' reef. We did get a lil pint sized lobster too but it died on the second day(RIP). Two of the surviving poopsies look like angel fish but i cant be sure cos they are so teeny weeny as yet. Idhy who has the utmost confidence in my pet keeping skills (cough...sarcasm....ancchoo) gave em 2 days but its already the 4th day now HUrrayyy. And to show his support he has even presented me with an oxygen pump....(ooh i love you baby).

If not for the congestion in Male' i'd have two very fluffy persian cats. I'd spoil them and squish them and ppphwfuseg gvgvgbvj. I miss Phoenix she was the cutest domestic slash wild pet ever. She'd never come running when we called her name unless ofcourse she was in heat or extremely hungry. awwwww.. Phoenix was beebee's pride and joy, the love of his life. Alas she is gone now.....boohooo sob snifff...I miss Jubilee (a green turtle) who shammun gave me for my birthday. We had to release her into the ocean, not to save the "sea turtle" but to save the "land Nisa" from the constant nagging of one "Mum".

I will continue to have pets till the end of time...............and that is that...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHIU.... I hate to let you down today of all days but.....Kashif died a couple weeks back...kashif the fighting fish. Idhy the fighting fish slapped him and ripped him a part. He lived for a week after the attack but died recently. I gave him a proper burial with flowers and all that jazz. So pls forgive me cos i know you'll be feeling super nice today.

THUNDER IN "Paradise"

I am not much for politics and will forever remain a non confirmist or someone who couldnt careless. Eventhough i may work under somebody, nobody owns me ..... But i do like to talk about whats happening in Male' these days. From the looks of it, things are getting pretty rough. Seems a man who is of yet a John doe was discovered face down in the sea. Onlookers claim that he was beaten to death before being tossed into the sea. Well guys it gets even more interesting, he is said to have been detained by the police earlier and was found close to a police building called the Atholhu vehi. When "concerned party's" confronted the police the response was that they had already released the man. Do they release people into the sea now??? free Willy was a whale hello!!! but i cant trust word of mouth well not totally at least. The fact of the matter remains that if a Police man did indeed commit this crime he will never be brought to Justice or executed the way he should be. Investigation my natural black ass!! They'll toss the case into oblivion they way they tossed the man. tsk tsk tsk

Humans have lost their worth, someone dies every day of the week now and not of old age or natural causes. Accidents, Over dosing, surgery's going bad, Abortions,...........................and now cold blooded murder. Pretty soon we wont know the names of the people who die only the number(like in Indonesia-3million today, 4 million tommorow). You maybe 300 or 466....Scarey shit aint it....i want all my friends to be a scaredy cat like me and stay out of the way and not give cause for the police to arrest you. Really it is so much better to be safe than sorry.

I- CARE

Well no i aint gonna write about how efficient eye care opticals is, although i quite like em since they are bit more hygeinic and reliable than other opticians. Well i wanna talk about the Care Bears. Do you remember those cute cuddly creatures that kept us glued to the TV screens. I am sure most of us, if not all do remember them(i know for sure that shiuna does cos she refers to them a lot ). TVM used to (or maybe they still) have a very limited collection of Cartoons and the Care bears was among the best and the cutest(Others include the last Unicorn, lady lovely locks, Wind in the Willows and Ninja Turtles). Their powers are so fluffumasguffams tooo. I used to keep forcing air into my tummy hoping to see a rainbow pop out. But the only think that came out was a pfft sound and it didnt come out through my chest. And i used to sit on my pillow and pretend i was driving a cloud car like the care bears. i kinda hated the colour red too back then becos of dark heart. Cutie was crazy about the huggable heroes when she was a baby, she had to put the care bears tape on twice a day. Well until the tape was eaten up by the tape deck that is (poor baby cried a lot, a rare sight coming from QT). Damn tape decks, shoulder pads, pentium 2, Aminiya uniform and those cameras you have to rewind...are on top of the list of things that i will never miss.

Last night i started to think about em partly because Idhee is such a cute huggable teddy bear and also because of the huge bear that sits in my room(Mr. pervs gave it to me). I wondered whether they had gone obsolete. I mean you dont even see care bear soft toys or products on Sale. Well it seems they just went out of fashion like everything else. Everything except for barbies and pooh bear that is. But Care Bears are around and they celebrating their 25th anniversary. Todays kids are so hardened because of all the tough cartoon characters that have emerged(this isnt based on any research just going with the flow, who knows maybe todays kids are more proper and perky). Care Bears might be so obviously fictional and unreal (face it there arent pink and blue bears, only bears who'll care to eat you up). But the concept behind the cartoon is about teaching kids to see the good in things. I love the well mannered paddington bear too. Maybe i have a thing for fuzzy bears.

So peeps lets bring the Care Bears and the Care bear cousins into the lime light instead of the Vulgar banana's and Pyjamas(Two Walking dildos-bring on the protection) and the freaky Barney(I just hate purple) Oh yes not to forget rishmees yaara CD's(ye know the dancing cod fish) that kids love so much. Parents eventhough Azey may look like one of those kids on rug rats he is really just a homosexual human being and Rishmee may look a lot like codifix from Asterix and the Great divide she is a hot blooded woman who is only trying to be sexy. Its not their fault that the fruits of their hard labor end up looking more cartoonisk than human....please just spare your kids and let them grow into normal people. I BEG YOU.....

SAY IT LOUD

WE CARE

WE CARE

WE CARE

note: the picture that i have used on this post is of Love-a-lot Bear.

If you wanna refresh your memories on just how cute these critters are check em out at www.care-bears.com

I'M ON FIRE

Oh my god i just cant get how people can eat Githiyomirus. They probably cause more harm to the body than ciggies. I usually go to this dive in the harbour,well abe n me picked this place cos nobody else goes there. Where ever we go it doesnt make much of a difference becos food at every "kada" in the harbour tastes the same. Well today the cook at our haunt was feeling mighty generous with the red ones. He must have cut up like 3 whole chillies into my Mashuni. Cos at this very moment, FYI its been about 4 hours since i ate, my chest still burns. I have been drinking like truck loadsa water, eating all the sweet stuff i can find and still it burns. i really feel like i am going to faint.

I was never able to eat Anbu Majaa the way my class mates used to with a peice of chilli to accompany 2 cubes of mango. If i did try like two spoonfuls i'd have to rush to the canteen and down 2 bottles of three choice. And my god!! that is just the beginning. Later during day i'd have a new best friend, who? the toilet seat. I'd shit my guts out and in the end i'd have to lie down with a pillow under my ass because my ass hole would be all bruised and burned from all the power ejection. I have a very bad feeling about today.

Some kinds of Chilli like bell peppers and Capsicum are a little bit more agreeable with my body than the almighty githeyomirus. I have a very stupid question to ask the people who read this entry. How would i take revenge on a Githeyo mirus? and oh yeah one that i've already eaten. should i take the lil pieces that come out when i do the nasty and torture them. Should i leave them out to dry in the Sahara Sun that we are experiencing these days. Or should i just spare them and flush (like any other normal person).

My fellow humans! i think some Dhanduveri geniuses have found a way to make their chillies hotter than hot. Please be warned or else you'll be singing:

MY ASS ! MY ASS!

MY ASS IS ON FIRE

(the roof! the roof! the roof is on fire)

Pervilicious

I have been forced to write this entry because of the magntitude of how perverse my buddy Naja is.
Naj Naj is quick to admire what is beautiful, a talent he must have acquired from sitting in in the "beauty shop" for the better half of a day. but he is just as quick to diss things that are less than perfect. Dont go and see Naja if your feeling a bit bloated, he'll be sure to call you a geri falhi or something worse, dont go and see him if you have a pimple on your face he'll recommend some cream(but not before calling you some offensive name).hehehe. but you can't help but love him such a squishable huggable person.
I have become immune to perverts from hanging out with naja for so long. Somedays he just sits with me in cafe's and talks to my boobs. he'd go like: "hello, would you shake for me a lil,move up and down........hehehh. Kulhandhili, uramathi, heeslaa thankolhu, foah, thina, Buhjaadi, findhraanee, buriya jaha......these are the words that are bound to come out in his conversations. I bet you all heard the song Kaho nakaho,..the Hindi version of Tamally maak by Amr Diab.. well naja made this song for jameels break up with Shuaikaar its called Nudhenya Thalhan. he came to a conclusion that shuaikar must have split with Jameel because she wouldnt put out......what other worldly reason could their be.....beats me.
Oh wait Mayaa hoki, Amayey, Hus Dhogu these are the most recent additions to his rich offensive vocab. Iyadh used to be his very own personal pinata(pronounced pinyata). kalhu balhu, Kalhu bakari a few of his cute lil pet names for iyadh who is from the dark side. Thank god the boy has a heart of gold the only response you'd get out of him is a giggle or maybe a snort.

Naja has a new obsession these days which is designing locks. go figure. he carries the blue prints around in his wallet. A very small sketch on an even smaller note paper. Although what i think he should be pursuing is bringing out an album of pervy songs. He could bring out a dozen with his existing material.

he recently lost a great deal of weight and is particularly critical of people with generous figures. He started calling shiuna fala fat way before he started losing any weight(His ass was spilling out the sides of his ancient chair that hasnt been dusted for 50 years, when he stole the priviledge). You can imagine the amount of stuff he'd have to say now. But no one really takes the stuff he has to heart because "its naja" after all.

The only time that i saw him shut his trap was on the night that nishath gave him a piece of his mind. I was waiting for the day someone would step up and take a go at Naja....nothing personal though...Well it was fun while it lasted but afterwards naja was like. hmpph he doesnt make any sense at all. i Just didnt wanna look even stupider by challenging someone stupid.

Thats him..the Naja that we all love.

How can i not love him..he gave me a big brown teddy bear just like him for my birthday.

Mwah

btw Naja's birthday is coming its the 22nd of April

Sex and Sensitivity

Well i'll take it for granted that all of you including all you perky sistas and holier than thou brothers watch porn. As for me i have been fascinated by Porn ever since i was about 14. Well i am not goin to go into further detail on that...hehe..for your sake. The best porn movie that i ever got to watch was some barbarian theme adult movie. I still havent been able to find a copy of it to this day. I am telling you it was quality porn.

But you see i dont know why but i get turned on more by sex scenes from movies than by watching porn. i used to always sneak around the house with my sisters copy of Don Juan. Porn doesnt quite have the same effect on me. Maybe its because of the emotions involved the sensuality. Or maybe its because of the tease factor. Brad pitt might show his tight butt but wont turn the other way. Or Monica Belluchi might show her perfect breasts but hide her Punani.

Humans always want whats hard to get and what they cant have. No one really wants the "easy come, easy go" ,but might use it. I guess its the same with porn. Since all the unmentionables are so in the face it doesnt quite do the trick, well not unless your so sexually deprived you could fuck the hole in the sink.

But there are people like my brother who just really appreciate the beauty of nude bodies. He is happily married and has succesfully knocked up his wife the true one and only love of his life.

Beleive it or not but i just dont have the urge to watch porn anymore since i am an off camera porn star myself hehehe.

Heads up: there are some excellent humping scenes in 300...the flava of the year

Liarrr!!!

I really dont understand why people lie for no reason. I would be the biggest liar on earth if i said i've never lied in my life....Ofcourse i have and i still do? My mums supposed to think that i dont smoke. But this sorta white lie which you easily see through....most of the time, helps you out of some very uncomfy situations. (If any kiddy widdys are reading my blog taint the best thing to resort to ....like ever). Sometimes the truth is better untold....like how you got knocked up and had the kid flushed out, or how you dont have any faith in god, or how you like to sniff dunlop from time to time and masturbate watching tele tubbies.

But your not just a liar your a fraud and an imposter when you tell people that you've done your PHD or had lunch with Tyra Banks. If your one of em who likes to stretch the truth or just create history out of thin air, ask yourself why you do it? Is it because you would like the people to think you are fabulous? Well someone might beleive you for a second but when the truth comes out....you'll be the laughing stock and the untrustable hypocrite. A lot of Maldivians tend to take this path(i havent done a survey or anything but very short people with big heads mostly). One such example is Mathee...well if you happened to go to City garden last year you might have seen him. He is hard to miss being a maldivian blond(shame!!!...no blue eyes). Well this lil bugger would come and sit with us, i used to think he was being friendly but later i realized that he just wanted to share his ability to fabricate. According to him he was the owner of City garden, and he had a luxury penthouse...god knows where and with a fully stocked bar. Seems all he needed was a wife to share his wealth with. Apparently he was in a realtionship with a German tart and had tatooed a love letter she had sent to him on his ass.....that is right on his teeny weeny microscopic tooshy. i wonder if that twist in the tale was meant to wow me....i mean like wow...hehehe. Oh! and then the hair, he had two strands of weak hair flying in the wind when he said that not long back he had had dread locks that reached upto his ass crack......i mean like could he be any cooler. Oh my and the 14,000 dollar watch that he wore.....i wonder if they still sell those at Makhma on Chaandhanee Magu. he also told me how was the BUTLAA(butler) at HILTANH(Hilton) and FOUR SEASANH(Four Seasons) and had deejayed at both resorts plus in Germany. In the end he turned to be just a waiter or supervisor at the Cafe' who occasionally liked to take advantage of girls stupid enough to drink with him. In the end when he went missing from City garden we found out that he had been fired for slackin off....well this ending made the BUTLAA the subject for many of my wise cracks.

In truth none of the lies he told were harmful for me or anyone else for that matter. Lies just come back and bite the liarr in the ass. People get tired of listening to your phony baloney and wont even beleive you when you tell the truth. But i know this is a very serious condition and can only be cured by intensive therapy. It seems that a painful or embarrasing past shapes you into a two faced liar. You cant simply confront the liar and tell him or to her face and be done with it. If worse comes to worse the liar will just move onto another unsuspecting group and start his game of deception. But mind you that by the time your 30 most of the people around you will be aware of your disease and will try and avoid the afliction and you will be left alone.

Sometimes making up too many stories will confuse you about who you are in reality. So dont be a fool and lose yourself. You know your the coolest!! and people who can't accept you for who you are can just shove it. Look at paris hilton she is a super rich bitch but nobody likes her..this goes to show that material may buy slaves, tag alongs and fancy gadgetry but they wont buy you friends. I know you dont have a Lamborghini, but i still love you.

4th Monthersary

I dont care for reason or rhyme

I am in love for the very first time

This time i am gonna follow through

Cos i am so in love with you

Baby you know your the one for me

and i am so happy cos i know you see

Me, for the person that i truly am

I am your vanilla coated strawberry Jam

You are just so easy to love baby

I am so sure about you, no buts or maybe

Its your sweet lips i wanna kiss

And your warm embrace that i miss

I just thought that i'd pour my heart out today

In the hope that you will forever stay

With me until the very end

through bumpy roads and every bend

Nisa: this is for you baby..........I love you....Idhee and Nisa forever

(i know i am a hopeless romantic so beequas if you wanna barf at my love dovey rhymes go ahead............hehehe. )

The Gay, The Bi and the Ugly

have you read the story of the witche's. Where a shit load of witches were among humans and no one even had a clue they were turning little kids into rats. Well its sorta like the same thing....but maybe a lil creepier. Look out theres one behind you, checkin out your ye ass. Which brings me to the topic du jour. Homosexuals!!!

Homosexuals have been around since the beginning of time. There was a time in a certain city "Sadoom" where gay people were commiting sodomy on the streets. but most of the time Homosexuals have remained in hiding beacuse it is not the societal norm to be gay. Well Gay activists are on the rise now and pretty soon we straight people will be the odd ones out. For centuries the bigger and better part of a population have been straight. Nowadays people want something new something different in all aspects of life. We want to colour our hair green we want to pierce all our pieces of dangling flesh, Lick em carpets and want to be anally assaulted (no offense if you get pleasure do it). Bisexuals are a different story altogether, i mean if you are turned on by a woman why tip over to the dark side....Well to each his own i aint perfect so i cant really judge...just stating my opinion.

But if its hormonal the individual is really helpless..I mean can it really be helped??

Well our religion has no exceptions for homosexuals, Boy george is still gonna be judged as a man no matter how much make up he wears, or even if "Your colours can light my dreams". It can never be natural eventhough it is acceptable. They cant reproduce can they... But i am thankful for all the gay fashion designers and musicans and artists for their famiculine touch.

Orgies and group sex sessions give birth to homosexuals too. Let me not even go into the subject of drug addicts who abuse their own. It is not cool or exciting...more like sickening...

But i have a lot of gay friends some of em even married and livin happily ever after(in this world). A friend is a friend i cant be bothered by their sexuality(Stand up comics would have less jokes to crack if all of us were straight). Just keep doing what you think is right. "Do ye thang lemme do my THANG- which is having amazing straight sex"

A CHANGE HAS COME

Caution: This article maybe a tab bit self involved

I used to love coloring my hair, experimenting with different colours of contact lenses, a cut here a cut there, a perm here a perm there....basically being anything but myself. Honestly i curled my hair twice, straightened my hair once, did a rebonding job once, coloured my hair like a gazillion times, pierced my ears till my lobes had no more space left, got a tattoo(a teeny weeny one). I was sorta like the Master of disguise for quite sometime(hiding from what exactly????beats me)...well i know there are loads more folk more extreme than me...but they are not the concern here its all about moi this time(this is my blog biatch).

Recently...very recently with more than a little help from my significant otherrrr (Eedhan Ashraf thats you baby) i have discovered that i look better as myself. With black wavy hair, dark brown eyes, bushy eye brows(doesnt sound too good..hhehe)......I've even come to enjoy wearing my hideous specs for cying out loud. Before there was no way anyone could drag me out without my colored contacts on(Pretentious, fake bitch) . But the new and improved Nisa couldnt care less.

I like being myself its cheaper, safer and less work...

Viva La Resistance

STOP

Growing up sucks!!!!really, it just sucks.....oooh i dream of a simpler time when mum and dad had to do all the worrying and i just had to carry on living...without a care. But life is so unfair without any warning it just snatches your innocense, your free time, your sleep, your virgnity...heheheh.

Sometimes i really wish i was born in the stone ages..yes i know there was no make up less choice of clothes no cd's or portable music players(i may have to rethink my statements). But no amount of handbags and gladrags compares to the luxury of freedom from employment. While the government is trying to put an end to the plague that is unemployment, with their "yes" campaign, i am fighting for it. A curse on the romans for inventing money and making people work for it. I only do it because it is the only way i can afford to satiate my yearning to shop and eat out. i mean who would really work if they didnt have a need to? does Paris hilton work..Well if you call making porn and trying make an aboslute whore of herself, yes she does work all night long..AAh remember the good ol days of having pocket money.....dang...

I for one have two jobs, one of which i aboslutely enjoy a 100%(cause theres not much effort involved)...that is except when i have to fill in for others. So i guess Artistes(including musicians and other talents) are exceptional cases cause they get paid for doing what they love.

NEWS FLASH..........Maumoon has rebuilt the Noah's Ark but this time its called the Youth Ship. Instead of carrying a pair of every living creature on earth, this "Youth Ship" or "floating Looney Bin" as i'd like to call it will carry on board the whackiest most immoral Individual from each Atoll. Well I just hope that they do not decide to blow the rest of us up and repopulate the earth by procreating from onboard the "FLB". Dont fret boys and girls I'll go and sink the ship with my own bare hands if i have to....but seriously we should all sign a petition begging maumoon to check himself into Guraidhoo before things get too out of hand....seriously a Youth Ship...What next the "Geriatric Lorry".......

GOD SAVE US

When life comes and kicks you in the nuts

Just save your if only's and buts

Close your eyes pretend nothings wrong

And sing another feel good song

(for you brother beequas)

Mwah mwah

Boohoo

Us girls are cry babies arent we....(i feel kinda fresh after a lil snob n sniff) but its really a spectacle when grown men cry. Mostly men either smoke it off, sleep it off, work it off or turn it into rage...........in the case of Kutty and wajeeh dance it off.


Btw this article does not apply to boys with a medical condition or those of yall who tend to tip on the happy and "gay side"(no offense) cos i know you ladies like to let it all out.


I think it is a rare, heartfelt and beautiful phenomenon. I mean how often have you seen a man cry? once in a year? 2 years? Shame on me, but i've lived with my two brothers since forever but i have only managed to make one of em cry(I will not name the brother but it wasnt abe oops!!). I accidentally hit his balls while trying to win an argument. (yes you are right in assuming i always resort to either violence or water works when trying to win an argument, thats why i cant run for President....the only reason hehehe.....right).


Getting back to the issue at hand, at times i cannot help but feel a strange sense of satisfaction when i see a stream of salty tears run down a supposedly emotionless wooden face(depending on the situtation though).


But boys!boys! taint cool to keep your feelings locked up let your boohoos out and you'll feel a lot better. Really! emotional baggage weighs you down in the long run.


Wait! no dont, i do not want to responsible for catalysing the effects of global warming. just imagine the amount of tears it will produce if all the men in the world who have their tears saved for all this time start weeping all at once. noooooooooooooooooooo........


Conclusion


So in conclusion i have yet again managed to waste about a mins or three mins (for slow readers) of your time..Uhahahahaha


i Miss you Noosh..mwah

EVERYBODY HURTS -REM

When the day is long and the night,
the night is yours alone,
When you're sure you've had enough of this life,
well hang onDon't let yourself go,
'cause everybody cries and everybody hurts sometimes
Sometimes everything is wrong.
Now it's time to sing along
When your day is night alone,
(hold on, hold on)If you feel like letting go,
(hold on)When you think you've had too much of this life,
well hang on'Cause everybody hurts.
Take comfort in your friendsEverybody hurts.
Don't throw your hand.
Oh, no. Don't throw your handIf you feel like you're alone, no, no, no,
you are not alone
If you're on your own in this life,
the days and nights are long,
When you think you've had too much of this life to hang on
Well, everybody hurts sometimes,
Everybody cries.
And everybody hurts sometimes
And everybody hurts sometimes.
So, hold on, hold on
Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on
Everybody hurts.
You are not alone

Lil Bangladesh

Aloha peeps, didja miss me?

Oooh i lurrve fridays i had so much fun...enough sleep, tanning and a dip in a blue lagoon with my baby.

But on Thursday night i had the most terrifying nightmare. There i was walking on a long stretch of road, when a faceless friend came on a motor bike. For some strange reason i asked my friend to let me have a spin on it. Strange you ask, well I dont even know how to ride a bike properly so its not the most natural thing for me to do. but hell! I'm talking about a dream so its all hunky dory. I got on it started driving, just enjoying myself until i took what was a wrong turn and ended up in a dark alley. Out of nowehere there appeared a bangladeshi guy there was no one around and the guy looked so creepy i started pushing the accelerator(in my dream the accelerator was the right pedal, in real life i have no idea). But everytime i looked behind to see if I'd lost the scarey stranger he was running right behind me. Suddenly the stupid bike stopped and the man was all smiles. He was reaching out to touch me when i woke up. I was so fucking scared my heart was racing.........the stupid nigtmare was almost too real. I had to be reassured a thousand times over by my baby before i could lay me down to sleep. It still makes me sick and gives me shivers when i think about the dream. Thank god i woke up when i had otherwise i might have had a permenant psychological effect.

If you follow my blog you might know i get dreams that materiliaze. (I am doing all i can to avoid this latest addition coming true....eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek). but as i was walking to my boyfriends house (with my headphones on -let the music play remix) i found that i was an alien in my own home town. Beleive it or not but i was the only maldivian on the road. bangaldeshi's, tamils and Thai folk as far as the eye could see....

In the past foreign workers didnt have the balls to even look at us with bad intentions. Instead they were satisfied with holding hands with their co workers regardless of their gender(i just had to add that). but now since they outnumbers us they hoot and gape and drool and even beat themselves off in public.......................Seriously it wont be long before they start violating and raping us(there already have been cases). That would be the day i pack up and leave Male' for good.

And the saddest part is that theres no solution. More work sites and more development means more foreign employees. there is no proper screening process so we dont know how many child molesters, rapists and serial killers we are welcoming here with open arms.

Alas! i cannot write anymore my hands are giving up on me....

Ciao

DJ DAddy

Hey lovers and haters sista's and brothers, granmas and pas.....if you've seen the flyer for the GIGa whatever event thats gonna go down at "City Garden' you might be wondering:

DADDY? DADDY?

WHO THE FUCK IS DADDY?

("Who the fuck is Alice"-Torpedos)

Look no further i know who he is.......aha thats right i do. Normally i would try to get some remuneration for this kinda priviledged info but i'll be "nice" this time and let ya all know. And plus i think nobody should waste their time pondering over who daddy is n be like all excited(taint worth it) just to be hella disappointed..... i simply cant have that on my conscience.

You might think daddy is some whip lashing, Cat Walking, ass baring sexy diva who'll make you GIGA GAGA (more than a kilo Gaga), you are sadly mistaken. Life was so much more beautiful when i was mystified by who Dj Daddy was. but Alas ! woe is me, curiosity has shot me down yet again. I shall now save the whole world from suffering the same fate as me:

DJ DADDy

This aint no joke

he is that bloke

he aint no fuckin fairy

but he is very hairy

Now then, have it your way

Its DJ--PAiDay

Super Nisa's Inner Monologue:

Scene: flying over Male'

AAaaah I have saved the world yet again.......its a much safer place now.......All in a days work......I wonder whats next for me.........I cant choose between ridding the world from rebonding, wearing faggy shirts, burugaas.............

GUchigooogoooo PLONK......watch out you fuckin pigeons!!!!!!!!!

Note: You can buy the illustrated version from www.eyesore.com.mv

GOTcha

THE END

Love, Sweet Love

Valentines day is on the horizon and instead of seeing stars i am seeeing hearts. One might wonder why i am so excited for a christian celebration. I am all for the celebrations whether it be Christian, Buddhist, sikh or even scientology(I wonder what sort of days they have-chemistry day, I have to call Tom and ask). Its an excuse to party and make merry. Plus I really do have faith in the concept behind Valentines days. Bless you! Saint Valentine. Its a chance to celebrate "love" for crying out loud(Idy i love you).

For the first time in 23 years i have someone to celebrate Valentines with. Sorry bqwas, dad and abe you aint getting Valentines day cards from a very sad me. Infact i'll be floating in the air with the love of my life.

I have a thing or two to say at people who think that Valentines day is just another day. I mean yeah "Duh"it is obviously just another day. Just like Eid and New Years is just another day. It is the name we give to a 24 hr period. But since theres a clear label and theme to it why shouldnt we celebrate it. Well i know why some of us might be like "Valentines day ewww Crap", its b'cos theres nobody to celebrate it with beleive you me, i was there since forever. But i still sent out cards to all the men in my life, dad n the hunky sexy brothers of mine. You should get up offfa that couch and try it too (watching reruns of "Bridget Jones's Diary" aint gonna lift up your spirits at all)

Heres a lil heads up....DJ Manal is going to be setting your soles(yes the soles of your feet) on fire this Wednesday at Skippy. Guess who is going to be there on the dance floor dressed in red? Well me. And i want all of yall to come and celebrate "LOVE" with me.(Chikungunya, chicken pox, soar eyes, Bird flu, dengue and measles please leave Idy n me alone)

Heres my theme song for the night

Artist: Alanis Morissette

LyricsSong:Let's Do It (Let's Fall In Love) Lyrics

birds do it, bees do it

even educated fleas do it let's do it,

let's fall in love

in spain, the best upper sets do

it lithuanians and lets do it let's do it,

let's fall in love

the dutch in old amsterdam do it

not to mention the finns folks in siam do it

think of siamese twins some argentines,

without means, do it

people say, in boston, even beans do it

let's do it, let's fall in love

romantic sponges, they say, do itoysters, down in oyster bay, do itlet's do it, let's fall in love

cold cape cod clams, against their wish, do it

even lazy jellyfish do itlet's do it, let's fall in love

electric eels, i might add, do it

though it shocks 'em, i know.why ask if shad do it

waiter, bring me shad roe. in shallow shoals, english soles do it

goldfish, in the privacy of bowls, do it

let's do it, let's fall in love