Baby Talk

Its been too long since i last watered my lil Rose.....sorry darling. Honestly i was too busy the past week my writing had to be temporarily blocked.

Guess what i went baby sitting, this is actually the second time around and eventhough its been months since the last time, i do think i've improved..or maybe the baby was too tired to give me a hard time. Three cheers for all the mums out there for their endurance and unbeleivable patience.

No doubt about it i wanna be a mum i've even picked out baby names for my baby's. I am not gonna jinx anything by revealing the names right now so lets just slide. Like every mum i want my baby to be very healthy. and by healthy i mean really chubby with cute lil love handles, big cheeks and fluffy baby bottom(hopefully my baby is gonna inherit idy's cute round heiny). My sister Cutee and Fine were the best baby's. All you had to do was feed them make em look pretty and your all set. No wailing or tantrums if they looked a bit unsettled it meant they needed some sugar. I guess stuffing their teeny mouthy wouthy's is one way to keep baby's from bawling. This method is totally useless for any child of nani's. Yana! Yana! Yana! she is so pretty, so clever and so naughty. There is no way you can get the better of her. I am her aunt and she has never willingly come to my arms, except for the time she slept on my shoulder(she was about 3 months and verry verry tired right about then).

I am so fucking sleepy this morning so i'll just stop right here.....until the next time......toootaatatatata

Ooh and by the way theres gonna be a dj at Bandos featuring some UK popband called Unleashed. This is the first time I've even heard of the group and hopefully it will be the last and there is no way in hell i am going to cross the wide open sea to subject myself to European torture. I've been dying to dance but somehow i feel this event is a must miss. So i'll take that rain check-Thank you

Pro- ?????????????

8th of June!!!!i am dreading the arrival of that fateful date when the whole world will find out how pathetic our modelling industry is. Why???? why would anybody want to put themselves in a glass house and call out them boys with sling shots. It is one thing to have small fashion shows to show case the designs of some hopeful homosexual but it is totally another when you invite international models who can actually reach a door knob without standing on their toes. One of my palios who went to watch the rehearsals said it was a slut fest and none of the girls were even bearable. It pains me so to have our country ridiculed world wide and i know how cruel people from the fashion industry can be(no no not from experience but by watching trendz , Janice Dickons show and ofcourse America's next top model). I know by international models being a part of the show it actually refers to struggling Indian models but even those girls would look like goddesses next to our line of smurfets.

But the hypocritical fact remains that i am definitely going to be among the crowd for this show. To check out the music from the almighty "fasy"(who i think is a great musician but an entertainer i am not so sure- ) well and to support the models. I am sure the whole carnival is going to be packed. Not because people have so much faith that this event is going to be a blast but Male' is over populated and most of us have nothing better to do on a Friday evening. You should have seen the crowd that turned up for the launching of the "Haashaviyani raajaa cd" mostly kids. Once again i was among the crowd amazed at how parents entertain their kids these days(including my sister nani). I mean Muhamma is just gross apart from being a money laundering, womanizing psycho. OOh and if the local crowd does happen to find something to do the banglaa boys will be sure to pack the place up.

You know i think the problem with these organizers is that they aim too high(or maybe they are too high). They could make a smaller event with more quality. It is a fact that when you want to start something like this it is better to work with a controlled crowd first. This way you will find how much the crowd appreciates your effort and actually have a better chance of showing some proffesionalism. Try copying a fashion event first and than work towards making your own. You cant really determine the success of a fashion because of the turn out especially since popular bands are playing. But this is just what i think, the only positive that i can see from this show is that a lot of people will get to view the work. Well that too could have been arranged in a more profitable way perhaps by selling the cd to TV maldives or cd shops i am sure it would sell. I dont know i have so many fucking ideas and i know so many creative people but i dont have the cash or the drive to run around looking for sponsors. So i guess what my lazy ass has to say doesn't hold any weight. But i am just happy to get the weight of my thoughts off my shoulder.

Ooh and i can't wait for the 8th of June either because my bestest best buddy is coming home and this time for good. And one more thing Idy i love you!!!

Note: the picture is of my favorite indian model of all time Deepanita

Close your eyes baby..............

No doubt the Tsunami that struck in 2004 was the biggest disaster to ever hit the Maldives. Well not anymore Maumoon has slapped us in the face with an even bigger disaster, The Tsunami Monument. As you can see in the picture it looks like an immense, diseased dick. Whoever designed it must have been watching porn excessively or dating a horse with measles. I am sooo very proud of the person who picked out this hideous obscenity from a line up of designs. I guess just fucking with us didnt do for "him" he had to build the ultimate "up yours" for the whole world to see.

How in the world does that long cylindrical "erection"(giggle) remind us of the Tragic Tsunami. Hmm lemme think the shaft is the water rising and the little bubbly things are the helpless people caught in it. According to maums the thing is supposed to symbolize how the people worked together in unison to rise above the crisis. But the problem is those little bubbles depicting the people failt to rise above the gigantic dildo. So which means that we still havent been able to overcome to the effects of Tsunami. Which is true in a way since there are people still living in sub-human conditions after losing their house and homes in this disaster. It must have taken a substantial amount of money to finish off a metal structure of this magnitude. Instead of wasting so much money on creating an "eye sore" why not invest the money for a good cause. Well i guess the point here is to build as many monuments as he can now, so that we will be reminded of his greatness even after he is long gone. Sadly, since we are for the most part a muslim country "the big man" can't build statues of himself. A life size liking of him would have to be built on a 20 feet tall pedestal if he wants to be visible to 3ft. Dont worry Maumoon we wont forget you and we wont forgive you, you can share the darkest corner of our hearts with Idi Amin, Saddam and George W. Bush.

I would like a word with who designed this monstrosity. I wanna know if he was playing a joke? God!!! to this day i have never seen a monument worth looking at never. That thing near the Islamic Centre is so damn wierd looking. It might fit in a technologically advanced destination like Japan with all its gleaming glory but not here. Something with a more natural Woody feel would have gone better. We have so many creative people here in the Maldives but with their hands tied firmyl behind them. Since we are on the subject of limiting creativity, let me tell you how the Air Maldives Logo came to be. Once upon a time when my sister nani was in the Air Maldives she asked my brother beebee to help her design a logo for her. As hard as it was to get him of his lazy ass, she managed to get some sketches out. You know what the treacherous scum at the deciding committee did. They took my bro's design changed some colours and some lines and called it their own. Would he ever wanna design something again???? Why the fuck would he. It feels bad to not be praised for a job well done but even worse to see someone else get all the glory. (damn it felt good to get that off my weighty chest).

I am calling anyone out there who can draw a full circle (nay thats too hard), anyone out there who can tell the difference between a flower and a piece ofTurd. Let us all join hands and "Free Willy". Tear the thing down and drop it into the sea.

Just go up and look at that thing!!! piss pisss

Aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!

I had totally put my guard down, why would i need a guard anyway i was just watching T.V. Alas it turned out that I did need a guard and a helmet and a blind fold too. I almost fainted when i saw what was dancing in front of me...blink ...blink it wouldnt go away. Suneeta in a very short dress with high cut boots and rebonding. I hear the San Fransisco Zoo uses this combo to put Grizzly bears to sleep. If not for the handy work of the cameraman, who conveniently managed to dodge the main star in the video and focus on the back ground crowd, the whole of Male' would have to have Therapy sessions for six months at the least. Well those of you reading this may think i am an over exaggerating, heartless bitch but browas and sista's if you've seen what i've seen ........you wouldnt judge me so harshly.

For those of you who arent familiar with the dancetress in question let me give you a breif introduction. As far as i know Suneeta was launched into the spotlight from a short series film first telecast in the fasting season of 1993(or somewhere around there). She played the part of an extremely beautiful woman who was compared to the moon more than once. Back in those days there was no fair and lovely and no chemical bleach so Suneeta was in her natural colour for the most part undetectable in the dark even with the cheap lighting by Fikry. So the only time it would be right to compare her to the moon is during a total eclipse. Dont get me wrong I am a woman of colour and i do beleive the darker the chocolate the better it tastes. But I wouldnt compare Naomi to the moon now would?? I know i am geting side tracked here but what's the dealio with comparing a pretty face to the moon. From what i've seen it's chalk white with craters. The only fair comparison to the moon would be that of Ali Shiyam, he is unnervingly fair and has craters.

Getting back to the glamourous life of one Suneeta. She went out of the lime light for a while and reappeared with a bang at the stage in the western harbour. There used to be a show called the hafthaanimun where fisherman would be lined up for a glimpse of the high light of the evening the "queen of the night". And that was before she lost weight and beleive you me the vibrations on the stage didnt come from the blare of the speakers, now you do the math. From time to time Suneeta did get the chance to star in a video or two but never reached Mariyam Nisha, Shiraanee or Niuma status. Although i cant figure out why, Suneeta may look like Princess Fiona in her Ogre form but who is any better. Shiraanee looks like a piranha when she opens her mouth and well Niuma looks like an evil witch. For some strange reason the public won't accept the dancing Diva. i guess the TV screens arent strong enough to contain the power house that is Suneeta. Let me tell you a very recent incident that I happened to hear about. Rishmee the Cod fish girl from one of my previous posts produces song videos which really sell in Male'. I do beleive that the Yaara saga is the Maldivian equivalent to Sesame Street, Barney or the Tele Tubby show, very high in demand among kids below the age of 10. In her third effort Rishmee made the mistake of casting Suneeta to replace a star who had fallen ill. Her sales experienced the biggest downward spiral ever. I guess in the end she would have had to distribute free copyies to sexually deprived dhoni crew. God Bless Suneeta!!

If you watch a Suneeta video without reading the caution notice first you might mistake her for a Transvestite. firstly she has no grace and there is something extremely masculine about her features. And praise the lord she loves to wear Lycra and other leathery materials to dance which doesnt flatter her figure the least bit. If you watch circus acts and such you might have seen "caucasions"(key word here) wear skin coloured stockings instead of bearing their own skin on stage for the world to see. Well modest Suneeta does the same when she wears sexy outfits, but since her skin colour is nowhere near "caucasion" even after the intensive bleaching and pigment creams. Which results in her looking like a cheap prostitute from a Brazilian night club instead of the sexy vixen she aims to be.

I could go on and on about Suneeta......which gives me an idea.....Ting....i should right a book about Suneeta and Assad shareef. Oooh and i saw him yesterday at Novelty engrossed in reading an actual book....getting more attractive by the minute isnt he single lady's...we were so wrong to think he just chose looks, he chose books too.....

I guess the best way to end this post would be to say

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!

(Note: please, i beg you check out the video of craxy hiyaaley)

Hanging on

Another month has come and gone, leaving its mark on so many people, people who died, people who were born, people who got promotions, people who got sacked, folks that came together and folks that had to part. I for one had to say goodbye to my beloved office timing. Thanks to our New administrator my two hour break time has been reduced to a measly one. And leave Saturday i have to be in the office before or at 8.00....I think i should have gone out to rally with the mdp gang. I mean how the fuck am i supposed to walk to my house eat and releive myself and get back to the office all in one hour. Despite all this i love my office mostly because of the lovable people who work there.

Sharima is the sweetest most sincere person you can ever meet, she is so patient it amazes me. Khaleel can be a pain in the ass most of the time but he has a good sense of humour which makes up for the annoyingness... Oh and there is Suneesh who is our accountant, he is not one of those ruthless typical accountants. He is the best Indian in the world. Polite, kind hearted and so very innocent oh! not to forget he looks like ibbe from Mahurab just a bit thinner thats all(by the way single lady's he is still up for grabs). Deepa is kinda new but so far she has proven to be a team player. Riza is so very proper and queer, its hard to tell whether he is a cookie or a playboy(he has been married 3 times) he thinks abe is very attractive, which is the ultimate gay test. Theres Solih who comes into the office once in a while to browse some porn who i thought was an Indian.I actually made jokes at him in his face thinking he wouldnt understand. And lastly my one and only boss shahid who has a very kind heart and bright ideas. Before i forget i have to include Gahir right hand man to shahid who is obsessed with the Mdp. The most interesting thing about him is his hairstyle which changes with the weather you'll know what i mean when you meet him.

I guess it all comes down to the people. Take male' for instance eventhough it is such a beautiful place most of us are forced to hate it because of the people living in it. Prying, back stabbing, cunning, evil bastards who live among us. In the same pissed off noted i have to mention that Maumoon has increased by the price of all food items probably to pay off the loans he took to buy that hot new BMW and the extention to his house in Kuwait. A felivaru masdhalhu costs 9 Rufiya ....fuck, fuck, fuck the system...all i can do right now is hope they all burn in hell. Amen

Note: Baby congratulations on "finally" passing your written driving test hope you pass the pracs tooo.. umah 4 more days baby just 4 more days