Ode to my Fat Self

No matter what i'll always be a fatty at heart

Eventhough my flabs and me did part

I cant do with this coffee cup

I long to eat till i cant stand up

Just watching Travel channel makes me drool

I have to look away to keep my cool

It aint easy to refrain when abes around

to watch while he eats the whole house to the ground

but it'd be a crying shame to bloat up again

gotta fight that urge and try to maintain

i used to be addicted to Garudhiya and Rice

Ice Cream and Waffles and Chocolate on Ice

I need to fit into the dress in the glass

Food!! thats why with a sigh i have to pass

Sometimes i dream of swimming in cheese

Like this at night myself i tease

Damnit Nisa!!! Woman get a grip

if you want to fit into that tiny slip

http://www.flickr.com/photos/7757566@N04/

Oh yeah follow the link you see and you will be taken to an enchanting place.....trust me

"Masburi Riha"

If you want to discover true Maldivian cuisine look no further there's point in Majeedhee Magu close to ADK hospital called Aibalhey kada. My baby and mi bro brought home some of the goodies the other night. And i found out that those gluttons werent exaggerating bout the "Masburi Riha"(Translates into fish curry-big cuts of fish). I know the name sounds a lil profound but dont knock it till you've tried it. But you gotta be tolerant of a little spice if you wanna eat it. According to my Omni informed brother abe (only about the food joints- he is a walking meat truck) it goes best with Roti. Cos Farata's won't soak it all in.

Also According to legend (from the chronicles of Idy) lots of other Cafe's have tried to make their Masburi Riha taste like Aibalhey's but all their efforts proved in vain. I have a very good tongue for ingredients i think immana try and cook up some "Masburi Riha". I could definitely taste black pepper, coconut, onions, garlic, salt, lime and chillie's. Ye know just writing this article is making my mouth water. Although i know most of you who are unaware of this state treasure wont find the name of the dish or the place its served at very appetizing. ("Aibalhey Kada" translates into Misshapen arm).

Looking at events at hand seems there's going to be a dj at bandos on the third of April. It was originally scheduled for the 3rd of May but got delayed cos of funds. I know its not gonna be all that good. Even if the dj's do a good job, we'll soon forget about it because of the long queue for the ferry back and the thirst......and all those people you dont wanna see. Note this down too on your social calenders that theres going to be a Big Concert tommorow night for Road Safety or summin. Seems a lot of bands are gonna be playing on the show. You'll be sure to see me there with my better half.

Early tommorow morning before the bangalhees wake up "Bonny n Clyde" are gonna head on over to Hulhumale' to catch some fishies for my make-do tank... Guess what suckers i have a dancing fish..really you wont beleive how adorable it is. But you can't have it BLAaaaaaaaaattttttttttttttttt

Hot hot heat

I maybe crossing the line here but i really dont deserve to go to hell. Not after being born and forced to live in Male'. (I guess if i had to choose between hell and Male' right now hell would be rather tempting, since i wouldnt have to work) You would know what i mean if you were here. It is just sooo fucking hot. The other day i was just gettting back to the office from having breakfast when i had a heat stroke...honestly.... my vision blurred and i puked. Poor Pigeon that laid an egg beside the AC outside my room was dissapointed to find that her baby had been hard boiled before it had anytime to become a lil chick...bummer.. I drink like three glasses of water step outside and voila like magic my lips are all dry as if i hadnt been drinking water all day..Curse this weather.

I bet its the prayers of the resort owners that keeps the rain at bay. Sunny Maldives, Sun, Sea and Sand......but i cant live like this grrrrr grrr. Those people come down for only a week or so try living here 365 days a year in this doggone heat.I need to do some Hokus Pokus and make it rain. I can't imagine how these freaking women are walking around in their black Hijaabs or any sort of burugaa.....it is really beyond me. Maybe they dont wear any under wear, i shoud look into that, more like look under..Funny thing is the weather report says its 32 degrees outside. Well i dont rely on the weather-man here since aparently according to him the Temperature in Male' cant go above 32 degrees..its the maximum degree.... fuck that...Its too hot i cant type anymore .. i am just gonna close my eyes and pretend i am with Pingoo in his Iglooo.......chirpy chirpy cheep cheep.

Till Death Do us Part

Since the beginning of time I have always kept a pet. May it be a tad pole, fish or foul. Unfortunately i have delivered many to the hands of God, who inturn trashed them since theres no use for those lil spirits. Dont Alert Green Peace but i may have been responsible for the death of an uncountable amount of fish, two crabs, four snails, 2 birds, 2 lobsters, 7 turtles(all of them died young so i guess they would not have suffered so much). I loved them to bits (maybe thats the problem). At times i do forget to change the water in the fish tank, and they may have to go without food for a day. But GUYSss!!! dont give up on me i Love you.

Well right now i am the proud owner of two fighting fish....I started out with four but now i am left with just 2. Plus very recently on my anniversary i added three more fish to my collection. Idhy and me we adopted them from the Hulhumale' reef. We did get a lil pint sized lobster too but it died on the second day(RIP). Two of the surviving poopsies look like angel fish but i cant be sure cos they are so teeny weeny as yet. Idhy who has the utmost confidence in my pet keeping skills (cough...sarcasm....ancchoo) gave em 2 days but its already the 4th day now HUrrayyy. And to show his support he has even presented me with an oxygen pump....(ooh i love you baby).

If not for the congestion in Male' i'd have two very fluffy persian cats. I'd spoil them and squish them and ppphwfuseg gvgvgbvj. I miss Phoenix she was the cutest domestic slash wild pet ever. She'd never come running when we called her name unless ofcourse she was in heat or extremely hungry. awwwww.. Phoenix was beebee's pride and joy, the love of his life. Alas she is gone now.....boohooo sob snifff...I miss Jubilee (a green turtle) who shammun gave me for my birthday. We had to release her into the ocean, not to save the "sea turtle" but to save the "land Nisa" from the constant nagging of one "Mum".

I will continue to have pets till the end of time...............and that is that...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHIU.... I hate to let you down today of all days but.....Kashif died a couple weeks back...kashif the fighting fish. Idhy the fighting fish slapped him and ripped him a part. He lived for a week after the attack but died recently. I gave him a proper burial with flowers and all that jazz. So pls forgive me cos i know you'll be feeling super nice today.

THUNDER IN "Paradise"

I am not much for politics and will forever remain a non confirmist or someone who couldnt careless. Eventhough i may work under somebody, nobody owns me ..... But i do like to talk about whats happening in Male' these days. From the looks of it, things are getting pretty rough. Seems a man who is of yet a John doe was discovered face down in the sea. Onlookers claim that he was beaten to death before being tossed into the sea. Well guys it gets even more interesting, he is said to have been detained by the police earlier and was found close to a police building called the Atholhu vehi. When "concerned party's" confronted the police the response was that they had already released the man. Do they release people into the sea now??? free Willy was a whale hello!!! but i cant trust word of mouth well not totally at least. The fact of the matter remains that if a Police man did indeed commit this crime he will never be brought to Justice or executed the way he should be. Investigation my natural black ass!! They'll toss the case into oblivion they way they tossed the man. tsk tsk tsk

Humans have lost their worth, someone dies every day of the week now and not of old age or natural causes. Accidents, Over dosing, surgery's going bad, Abortions,...........................and now cold blooded murder. Pretty soon we wont know the names of the people who die only the number(like in Indonesia-3million today, 4 million tommorow). You maybe 300 or 466....Scarey shit aint it....i want all my friends to be a scaredy cat like me and stay out of the way and not give cause for the police to arrest you. Really it is so much better to be safe than sorry.

I- CARE

Well no i aint gonna write about how efficient eye care opticals is, although i quite like em since they are bit more hygeinic and reliable than other opticians. Well i wanna talk about the Care Bears. Do you remember those cute cuddly creatures that kept us glued to the TV screens. I am sure most of us, if not all do remember them(i know for sure that shiuna does cos she refers to them a lot ). TVM used to (or maybe they still) have a very limited collection of Cartoons and the Care bears was among the best and the cutest(Others include the last Unicorn, lady lovely locks, Wind in the Willows and Ninja Turtles). Their powers are so fluffumasguffams tooo. I used to keep forcing air into my tummy hoping to see a rainbow pop out. But the only think that came out was a pfft sound and it didnt come out through my chest. And i used to sit on my pillow and pretend i was driving a cloud car like the care bears. i kinda hated the colour red too back then becos of dark heart. Cutie was crazy about the huggable heroes when she was a baby, she had to put the care bears tape on twice a day. Well until the tape was eaten up by the tape deck that is (poor baby cried a lot, a rare sight coming from QT). Damn tape decks, shoulder pads, pentium 2, Aminiya uniform and those cameras you have to rewind...are on top of the list of things that i will never miss.

Last night i started to think about em partly because Idhee is such a cute huggable teddy bear and also because of the huge bear that sits in my room(Mr. pervs gave it to me). I wondered whether they had gone obsolete. I mean you dont even see care bear soft toys or products on Sale. Well it seems they just went out of fashion like everything else. Everything except for barbies and pooh bear that is. But Care Bears are around and they celebrating their 25th anniversary. Todays kids are so hardened because of all the tough cartoon characters that have emerged(this isnt based on any research just going with the flow, who knows maybe todays kids are more proper and perky). Care Bears might be so obviously fictional and unreal (face it there arent pink and blue bears, only bears who'll care to eat you up). But the concept behind the cartoon is about teaching kids to see the good in things. I love the well mannered paddington bear too. Maybe i have a thing for fuzzy bears.

So peeps lets bring the Care Bears and the Care bear cousins into the lime light instead of the Vulgar banana's and Pyjamas(Two Walking dildos-bring on the protection) and the freaky Barney(I just hate purple) Oh yes not to forget rishmees yaara CD's(ye know the dancing cod fish) that kids love so much. Parents eventhough Azey may look like one of those kids on rug rats he is really just a homosexual human being and Rishmee may look a lot like codifix from Asterix and the Great divide she is a hot blooded woman who is only trying to be sexy. Its not their fault that the fruits of their hard labor end up looking more cartoonisk than human....please just spare your kids and let them grow into normal people. I BEG YOU.....

SAY IT LOUD

WE CARE

WE CARE

WE CARE

note: the picture that i have used on this post is of Love-a-lot Bear.

If you wanna refresh your memories on just how cute these critters are check em out at www.care-bears.com

I'M ON FIRE

Oh my god i just cant get how people can eat Githiyomirus. They probably cause more harm to the body than ciggies. I usually go to this dive in the harbour,well abe n me picked this place cos nobody else goes there. Where ever we go it doesnt make much of a difference becos food at every "kada" in the harbour tastes the same. Well today the cook at our haunt was feeling mighty generous with the red ones. He must have cut up like 3 whole chillies into my Mashuni. Cos at this very moment, FYI its been about 4 hours since i ate, my chest still burns. I have been drinking like truck loadsa water, eating all the sweet stuff i can find and still it burns. i really feel like i am going to faint.

I was never able to eat Anbu Majaa the way my class mates used to with a peice of chilli to accompany 2 cubes of mango. If i did try like two spoonfuls i'd have to rush to the canteen and down 2 bottles of three choice. And my god!! that is just the beginning. Later during day i'd have a new best friend, who? the toilet seat. I'd shit my guts out and in the end i'd have to lie down with a pillow under my ass because my ass hole would be all bruised and burned from all the power ejection. I have a very bad feeling about today.

Some kinds of Chilli like bell peppers and Capsicum are a little bit more agreeable with my body than the almighty githeyomirus. I have a very stupid question to ask the people who read this entry. How would i take revenge on a Githeyo mirus? and oh yeah one that i've already eaten. should i take the lil pieces that come out when i do the nasty and torture them. Should i leave them out to dry in the Sahara Sun that we are experiencing these days. Or should i just spare them and flush (like any other normal person).

My fellow humans! i think some Dhanduveri geniuses have found a way to make their chillies hotter than hot. Please be warned or else you'll be singing:

MY ASS ! MY ASS!

MY ASS IS ON FIRE

(the roof! the roof! the roof is on fire)