She did it again!!

I beleive that god put me on this earth to heard, to be admired by young and old, to cover songs which need improvement!! Who am i you ask? I am Muneefa.........

Just like our friend Shanee Muneefa is one who beleives that she can sing...in public. We dont mind you singing in your shower, in your living room, to your family and loved ones. But please not for me not for the general public. I dont think we can evolve enough to be able to tolerate your voice or your style. Yes i have to reach a certain peak of irritation before i just cannot without blogging about a character. I dont go around dissing people for no reason, this is for the better good of everyone in this community right here.

I was Kind of like upto my kneck till last Friday, thats when the last straw was pulled. I guess you are all familiar with Mihandhaanugaa. Its a show where well known "singers" from Male' get up and do covers. Some twist and turn the songs so much they are hardly recognizable. Muneefa gave us the pleasure of singing a little something last year.... what was it?.... errm yeah Errrayy haada Rui mey(exactly the way i've written it). She did a really sexy version of a song which was written by someone following the tragic drowning of some of his family members. Yes Betty crocker says the best substitute for Sorrow is Sexiness. Just when i thought she couldn't top herself she went and proved me wrong...and she did one hell of a job. Do you all know the song: "Ley kokaalaa Malun Foni boneetho"that was the lamb she brought to slaughter..How it braighed, screamed and neighed. Looking like an absolute slut from Bangkok she started the song in a really deep voice. and the half way through did a little falsetto which was uncalled for. Yup this is entertainment!! raw crazy entertainment. She did a little speach before starting the song about how she always wanted to present something different to the Audience. Well my dear There's good different and theres horrible, unlistenable, painful different. You decide which different she was aiming for.

Well the best part is you can use it as an I-tune i think the ID is 2353

Why??

Why doesn't it rain when i want it to?

Today is the last day of a very long week and i can't wait for the clock to strike nisa "get up and leave". As i wait for the clock to move its slow ass hands it starts to rain. Shucks shucks and more shucks what good is rain today. I can't lie down with a book and cosey up in bed. I can't go out and do a little rain dance with my Umbrella(i've learned some moves from Rihannas music video). Rain why couldn't you have waited just one more day?? just another 24 hours. Tommorow is Friday and i can sleep to your sweet sound tap tapping on my window. But noooo you won't gimme that pleasure will you? Maybe i'll just resign and go home to enjoy this cold morning. Nope i wont becos i know you'll stop pouring down the minute i quit. That is just how you work and i will not give you the pleasure...absolutely not

Rain, I remember how you used to make it really difficult for me to get to school on the Final day. Everytime whether it be March, June or November i always had to wade through so much water to get to school on the final day. The next day or the first day of my school holidays there would not be a cloud in the sky and the sun would be shining in all its glory. Life is a test i know? but do i have to be tested so harshly...do i have to be tortured so...Sun why do you have to be so efficient? why can't you take some time off...say only from this direction. Honestly we are tired of being too close to equator ............now Gahir is here with the latest retaliation...i gotta G...O

Out with the Old

I watched FREINDS from beginning to end and admit that i enjoyed it somewhat. But i really don't know why some folks can't get over the show. Especially with the really crummy predictable ending...who would've thought that Ross and Rachel would get back together and live happily ever after. Its not like they have a child together or something..oh no wait!! they do dont they??!!.I lost my real interest in friends when i discovered that they had a lot of borrowed material from my all time favorite comedy show Seinfeld. in comparison FRIENDS doesnt even come close to Seinfeld in terms of originality or acting. Well its no big secret that the appeal behind FRIENDS was the attractive cast. its Human nature to be attracted to things that are symmetrical and beautiful. Girls from this superficial day and age (including me) really look forward to seeing the latest hairstyle on Rachel(Jennifer Aniston) and the funky jewellery modelled by Phoebe(Lisa Kudrow). FRIENDS comes in a very pretty package i guess thats why most people can't get enough of it. I saw this group in FACEBOOK where grown men come and laugh about old jokes quoted from friends. Gimme a break guys i am fasting, do you have to be this lame? do you? Some jokes like the stuff from friends can only be funny ones. Plus there is a lot of background that usually leads to the joke. So when it does not apply to your situtation it is just painful for people like me, i am being really serious here.

I mean Cmon i was totally in love with Sex and City and hated to see it come to an end. But i am over it now and sure hope as hell it doesnt come back again. Why? you ask. Well because most of em are over forty and not very sexy anymore even after extensive surgery and designer wear. but i have overheard people at coffees talking about friends imitating them and oh my gawwwwwwwwwd.... i think i am losing it. This always happens to me when my fellow Maldivians like something too much..Once upon a time Lady in Red was a beautiful ballad but now its just like over chewed gum you just wanna spit it out....Umbrella is going to sink faster than the Titanic in my charts too if i dont stop hearing it all the time. Its really hard for this society right here to accept something new. Once in a blue moon we get an update and we hold onto it and bleed it try. till the vultures won't even come close to the remains...I am just sick and tired of this whole friends craze and the rest of the stuff thats reached the cult status here, ye know like Maroon five(blech), Savage garden(oomph), Asha bhosle(eeeek), and oh my lord the infernal ALI ZEE(choke,gasp. drop dead!!!)................................................................

Saleem with the Pretty Name

Its been soo long maybe too long since i wrote on my blog. Since Minister Nasheed with all his responsibilities(brushing his hair and sitting on his ass) has time to update his blog i should too. I'll take another chance to write about Nasheed but this time the focus is on the one the only "Nanreethi Saleem". Don't get me wrong guys but i am not trying to be the least bit political. Although i may tip a little over to the side where Maumoon is not on i am not all for MDP either. I am on the side of right(meaning my best interests). But you can bet your ass and Gonads that i will never support IDP and Adhaalath party. Those two Parties will be the end of us. Already the Indians have mentioned us being a part of some bomb attack. Pretty soon they will start killing all the women who do not wear burugaas. I am a Muslim flesh and blood but i will never support Muslim extremist they are no better then Nazi's. I am sure god will not have any space for them haters in heaven. God from Kutti Nasheed to hell how did i get here??? i was supposed to be writing about the Human Rights commissioner. AAaah to hell with this paragraph let us try again on the next one.

Nanreethi Saleem really knows his human rights. If he does not want to respect other human beings that is his right, right?? He can only hold up a decent conversation for 2 Min's before he gets off track and into thilhai and nagoo balhaa mode. He almost said "Nagoobalhun" at some people on TVM hehehe way to go Mr. human rights commissioner. To get on peoples good side he has devised a full proof plan which is..tada tadatada blaming the Police. You know how everybody hates the police. Mr. Nanreethi forgets at times that even though they are trained to bust your asses(god bless them) they are still human and have their rights as well. Just the other day there was this instance where a bangaalhee was tied up in chains inside their quarters. This loon went and blamed the cops saying it was police brutality. Well it just so turned out that one of the workers stepped up and took responsibility for the wrong doing. What business would a cop have inside a bangaalhee head quarters anyway (except for the occasional gay rendezvous) My mum told me that it was against Saleem's better principles to ever respect anyone well except for Maumoon who puts food on his plate. So the next time you see Nanreethi Saleem you can spit on him, why? because it is your human right to be able to spit on scum.

A Human rights activist should:

1- Be a Human (not half snake)

2- Be able to empathize starting with a simple smile

3- Have balls- which i doubt he has

4-Brush his teeth(look closely at the picture I have posted)

5-have eyebrows- because it is just scary not to have them(i could give him some of mine)

Note: notice that the flowers seem to be almost wilting in his presence....urrgghh my skin crawls

He does not fit even one of the above criteria so lets bring the bugger down......heave hoooo

Think about it-" wink"," wink"," wink"

Sugar ohhh honey honey

Sugar is here!! although it wasn't easy, the doc had to cut hidhy open and drag him out. All those pregnant mummy's out there, word of advise IGMH isn't the most advisable place to give birth. It took them two days to decide on whether to operate on my sister in law and by the time sugar was bored and his heart beating had slowed down to 50 beats per minute. Thank god he reached our hands safely. We are hopefully going to name him Mohamed Kian Saif, that is if the name is approved by the Islamic committee. My brother dear is a father now and i am the proud Aunt of a nephew for the first time...i have two extra cute neices already and also one more nephew on the way. Kian is so soft smooth and squisshable........i am also the god mother and my baby darling I-dhee is the godfather

She can't dance either

In the name of all that is holy "Shaanee"cannot sing. You'll know what i mean when you see her version of La isla bonita. She aint that bad looking compared to the other broads in the industry but her wailing is just too much for me to take. Who the hell told her she could sing??shame on you people!! you call you self friends? Friends don't let their friends humiliate themselves in public over and over again. A lot of "not there yet" Maldivians list her as a favourite artist but they couldn't be more wrong. Her personal style makes her sound like a chain smoking transexual who is close to completing the transition. Damnit woman just listen to yourself. I want more than anything for you to read my blog and get back to me because i have put a great deal of thought on just what i wanna say to you.

I am not being unconditionally mean, right?!!. She hosted the "Crystal Meth awards" the other night and she couldn't help but ask her co host Super star Manik if he could sing. Yes she was fishing for compliments but thank god Manik was too self involved to satiate her need for reassurance. Instead of saying "I couldnt possibly sing like Amy Winehouse or Shanee" he made some lame joke about people having to wear a bucket to hear him sing. Thank you Manik you may have just stopped Shanee from accellerating Ozone depletion by bringing out another Album, God bless you son...of Sam...!!(Couldn't help it Manik)

But the saddest fact remains that since Shanee is a "singer" her kids will step into the scene sooner or later. There's no escape for us from Generations and generations of Shaaneess.....Arrrgh lord take me now(i can be totally dramatic when i want to). No amount of hate mail is going to stop her from torturing our ears. Because she beleives that she is gifted and should share her blessing with all of us. Darling Shanee please, look at what happened to Mahmoodha and her partner in crime Fathimath rauf. They both got so grotesquely obese they couldnt move their chins without help which led to their ealry retirement(not a minute too early for me). This could easliy be your fate sweet heart so i suggest you hand the mic over to me.

Niuma I have nothing against you pfffttttt but i couldnt get a picture of her majesty so i had to post yours.

Gangs of Male'

Yesterday an 18 year old girl was found dead. Cause of death you ask?? Seems she was pushed off a ledge. Violence is gaining on us like the blob. Feeding off the parteys and growing as we speak. Last week one of my colleagues purse was snatched by two rodents on a motorcycle. A friend of a friend got stabbed in the back with a Sword. About two weeks back my office got burgled. It may not be pink and slimy but the increasing crime rate grosses me out even more.

So what can we do about it??????? Gather up and make an "NGO" for the cause. Nope!! no go. Making your own gang to fight crime like the Ninja turtles would be more effective. Conduct awareness programs....pfft hahaha-in from one ear out the other you know what i am saying. Jail em up...this is the worst option of all. with the current conditions at the Maafushi pententiary if you lock someone up for petty theft he will graduate and come out as a fully trained, Drug abusing, homosexual, theiving, senseless murderous crook. Its true they do learn a lesson but not the kinda noble lesson that we are trying to teach em, but they learn from the dhaadha's who are sentenced for life who have no remorse or regret. So you see its a lost cause there is simply nothing that we can do. Sure a parent can follow their child to school and keep em locked up safely at home. But for how long?? eventually Buddha too stepped out from the perfect world his parents had built for him into the ugliness of reality. Where he was overwhlemed by the unfairness of the world our children are fascinated and excited about all the naughty things they could go about doing. Sex, drugs and rock roll yall!!!

But I've come to find out that many kids are learning to take the right path after seeing how misfortunate and pathetic their parents or brothers and sometimes sisters turn out to be. They do not wanna end up dead, insane and permanantly broke because of an addiction. Instead they want to get educated to become resepectable responsible citizens. So you see, in the end its nature who is doing the job for us isn't it. Cos there is absolutely nothing we can do. You can try and prove me wrong.

Smoooochy booochies