Sugar ohhh honey honey

Sugar is here!! although it wasn't easy, the doc had to cut hidhy open and drag him out. All those pregnant mummy's out there, word of advise IGMH isn't the most advisable place to give birth. It took them two days to decide on whether to operate on my sister in law and by the time sugar was bored and his heart beating had slowed down to 50 beats per minute. Thank god he reached our hands safely. We are hopefully going to name him Mohamed Kian Saif, that is if the name is approved by the Islamic committee. My brother dear is a father now and i am the proud Aunt of a nephew for the first time...i have two extra cute neices already and also one more nephew on the way. Kian is so soft smooth and squisshable........i am also the god mother and my baby darling I-dhee is the godfather

She can't dance either

In the name of all that is holy "Shaanee"cannot sing. You'll know what i mean when you see her version of La isla bonita. She aint that bad looking compared to the other broads in the industry but her wailing is just too much for me to take. Who the hell told her she could sing??shame on you people!! you call you self friends? Friends don't let their friends humiliate themselves in public over and over again. A lot of "not there yet" Maldivians list her as a favourite artist but they couldn't be more wrong. Her personal style makes her sound like a chain smoking transexual who is close to completing the transition. Damnit woman just listen to yourself. I want more than anything for you to read my blog and get back to me because i have put a great deal of thought on just what i wanna say to you.

I am not being unconditionally mean, right?!!. She hosted the "Crystal Meth awards" the other night and she couldn't help but ask her co host Super star Manik if he could sing. Yes she was fishing for compliments but thank god Manik was too self involved to satiate her need for reassurance. Instead of saying "I couldnt possibly sing like Amy Winehouse or Shanee" he made some lame joke about people having to wear a bucket to hear him sing. Thank you Manik you may have just stopped Shanee from accellerating Ozone depletion by bringing out another Album, God bless you son...of Sam...!!(Couldn't help it Manik)

But the saddest fact remains that since Shanee is a "singer" her kids will step into the scene sooner or later. There's no escape for us from Generations and generations of Shaaneess.....Arrrgh lord take me now(i can be totally dramatic when i want to). No amount of hate mail is going to stop her from torturing our ears. Because she beleives that she is gifted and should share her blessing with all of us. Darling Shanee please, look at what happened to Mahmoodha and her partner in crime Fathimath rauf. They both got so grotesquely obese they couldnt move their chins without help which led to their ealry retirement(not a minute too early for me). This could easliy be your fate sweet heart so i suggest you hand the mic over to me.

Niuma I have nothing against you pfffttttt but i couldnt get a picture of her majesty so i had to post yours.

Gangs of Male'

Yesterday an 18 year old girl was found dead. Cause of death you ask?? Seems she was pushed off a ledge. Violence is gaining on us like the blob. Feeding off the parteys and growing as we speak. Last week one of my colleagues purse was snatched by two rodents on a motorcycle. A friend of a friend got stabbed in the back with a Sword. About two weeks back my office got burgled. It may not be pink and slimy but the increasing crime rate grosses me out even more.

So what can we do about it??????? Gather up and make an "NGO" for the cause. Nope!! no go. Making your own gang to fight crime like the Ninja turtles would be more effective. Conduct awareness programs....pfft hahaha-in from one ear out the other you know what i am saying. Jail em up...this is the worst option of all. with the current conditions at the Maafushi pententiary if you lock someone up for petty theft he will graduate and come out as a fully trained, Drug abusing, homosexual, theiving, senseless murderous crook. Its true they do learn a lesson but not the kinda noble lesson that we are trying to teach em, but they learn from the dhaadha's who are sentenced for life who have no remorse or regret. So you see its a lost cause there is simply nothing that we can do. Sure a parent can follow their child to school and keep em locked up safely at home. But for how long?? eventually Buddha too stepped out from the perfect world his parents had built for him into the ugliness of reality. Where he was overwhlemed by the unfairness of the world our children are fascinated and excited about all the naughty things they could go about doing. Sex, drugs and rock roll yall!!!

But I've come to find out that many kids are learning to take the right path after seeing how misfortunate and pathetic their parents or brothers and sometimes sisters turn out to be. They do not wanna end up dead, insane and permanantly broke because of an addiction. Instead they want to get educated to become resepectable responsible citizens. So you see, in the end its nature who is doing the job for us isn't it. Cos there is absolutely nothing we can do. You can try and prove me wrong.

Smoooochy booochies

Aloha

Damn its been too long since i've written anything on my blog. I've just been too busy and uninspired i guess. Its that time of the year again when friends living abroad come flocking home for Summer. But sadly it aint the summer of 69 it used to be here. The tides are rolling in and we are slowly but surely going under. We have to either speed up evolution and develop some quality gills or just drown and die a painful death(imagine gawk splutter aaahh urrghh). I know its only natural for us to not wanna leave our beautiful home and flee to safety. But i am afraid it is the only chance we have of surviving. Question is where do we go. I heard from my work "mate" that "Australians" have already allocated space for us refugees to camp at when disaster does strike.

What i can't get right now is the fact that the government is planning to open more resorts. Why the hell aren't they willing to see that 20 years from now we'd be lucky to have 10 atolls above sea level.

Finally "food safety" has come into the light (read it like terminator). Food joints are being closed down by the dozen. That big ol place called SLAM was slammed shut because of rodent infestation and diseased staff. For some reason i always did avoid going there (someone up there is surely looking out for me). One of my Fav haunts Mughalai was shut down not shocking since its run by Indians, who arent really known for their sense of hygeine. Guess there wont be anymore Naan nights with Baxoo..damn. I wonder whats gonna happen when they move onto the harbour i bet the places are gonna go down one after the other like dominoes.

aaaahhhhhhh the laze the laze its takin me overrrr...can't type no more..

Baby Talk

Its been too long since i last watered my lil Rose.....sorry darling. Honestly i was too busy the past week my writing had to be temporarily blocked.

Guess what i went baby sitting, this is actually the second time around and eventhough its been months since the last time, i do think i've improved..or maybe the baby was too tired to give me a hard time. Three cheers for all the mums out there for their endurance and unbeleivable patience.

No doubt about it i wanna be a mum i've even picked out baby names for my baby's. I am not gonna jinx anything by revealing the names right now so lets just slide. Like every mum i want my baby to be very healthy. and by healthy i mean really chubby with cute lil love handles, big cheeks and fluffy baby bottom(hopefully my baby is gonna inherit idy's cute round heiny). My sister Cutee and Fine were the best baby's. All you had to do was feed them make em look pretty and your all set. No wailing or tantrums if they looked a bit unsettled it meant they needed some sugar. I guess stuffing their teeny mouthy wouthy's is one way to keep baby's from bawling. This method is totally useless for any child of nani's. Yana! Yana! Yana! she is so pretty, so clever and so naughty. There is no way you can get the better of her. I am her aunt and she has never willingly come to my arms, except for the time she slept on my shoulder(she was about 3 months and verry verry tired right about then).

I am so fucking sleepy this morning so i'll just stop right here.....until the next time......toootaatatatata

Ooh and by the way theres gonna be a dj at Bandos featuring some UK popband called Unleashed. This is the first time I've even heard of the group and hopefully it will be the last and there is no way in hell i am going to cross the wide open sea to subject myself to European torture. I've been dying to dance but somehow i feel this event is a must miss. So i'll take that rain check-Thank you

Pro- ?????????????

8th of June!!!!i am dreading the arrival of that fateful date when the whole world will find out how pathetic our modelling industry is. Why???? why would anybody want to put themselves in a glass house and call out them boys with sling shots. It is one thing to have small fashion shows to show case the designs of some hopeful homosexual but it is totally another when you invite international models who can actually reach a door knob without standing on their toes. One of my palios who went to watch the rehearsals said it was a slut fest and none of the girls were even bearable. It pains me so to have our country ridiculed world wide and i know how cruel people from the fashion industry can be(no no not from experience but by watching trendz , Janice Dickons show and ofcourse America's next top model). I know by international models being a part of the show it actually refers to struggling Indian models but even those girls would look like goddesses next to our line of smurfets.

But the hypocritical fact remains that i am definitely going to be among the crowd for this show. To check out the music from the almighty "fasy"(who i think is a great musician but an entertainer i am not so sure- ) well and to support the models. I am sure the whole carnival is going to be packed. Not because people have so much faith that this event is going to be a blast but Male' is over populated and most of us have nothing better to do on a Friday evening. You should have seen the crowd that turned up for the launching of the "Haashaviyani raajaa cd" mostly kids. Once again i was among the crowd amazed at how parents entertain their kids these days(including my sister nani). I mean Muhamma is just gross apart from being a money laundering, womanizing psycho. OOh and if the local crowd does happen to find something to do the banglaa boys will be sure to pack the place up.

You know i think the problem with these organizers is that they aim too high(or maybe they are too high). They could make a smaller event with more quality. It is a fact that when you want to start something like this it is better to work with a controlled crowd first. This way you will find how much the crowd appreciates your effort and actually have a better chance of showing some proffesionalism. Try copying a fashion event first and than work towards making your own. You cant really determine the success of a fashion because of the turn out especially since popular bands are playing. But this is just what i think, the only positive that i can see from this show is that a lot of people will get to view the work. Well that too could have been arranged in a more profitable way perhaps by selling the cd to TV maldives or cd shops i am sure it would sell. I dont know i have so many fucking ideas and i know so many creative people but i dont have the cash or the drive to run around looking for sponsors. So i guess what my lazy ass has to say doesn't hold any weight. But i am just happy to get the weight of my thoughts off my shoulder.

Ooh and i can't wait for the 8th of June either because my bestest best buddy is coming home and this time for good. And one more thing Idy i love you!!!

Note: the picture is of my favorite indian model of all time Deepanita

Close your eyes baby..............

No doubt the Tsunami that struck in 2004 was the biggest disaster to ever hit the Maldives. Well not anymore Maumoon has slapped us in the face with an even bigger disaster, The Tsunami Monument. As you can see in the picture it looks like an immense, diseased dick. Whoever designed it must have been watching porn excessively or dating a horse with measles. I am sooo very proud of the person who picked out this hideous obscenity from a line up of designs. I guess just fucking with us didnt do for "him" he had to build the ultimate "up yours" for the whole world to see.

How in the world does that long cylindrical "erection"(giggle) remind us of the Tragic Tsunami. Hmm lemme think the shaft is the water rising and the little bubbly things are the helpless people caught in it. According to maums the thing is supposed to symbolize how the people worked together in unison to rise above the crisis. But the problem is those little bubbles depicting the people failt to rise above the gigantic dildo. So which means that we still havent been able to overcome to the effects of Tsunami. Which is true in a way since there are people still living in sub-human conditions after losing their house and homes in this disaster. It must have taken a substantial amount of money to finish off a metal structure of this magnitude. Instead of wasting so much money on creating an "eye sore" why not invest the money for a good cause. Well i guess the point here is to build as many monuments as he can now, so that we will be reminded of his greatness even after he is long gone. Sadly, since we are for the most part a muslim country "the big man" can't build statues of himself. A life size liking of him would have to be built on a 20 feet tall pedestal if he wants to be visible to 3ft. Dont worry Maumoon we wont forget you and we wont forgive you, you can share the darkest corner of our hearts with Idi Amin, Saddam and George W. Bush.

I would like a word with who designed this monstrosity. I wanna know if he was playing a joke? God!!! to this day i have never seen a monument worth looking at never. That thing near the Islamic Centre is so damn wierd looking. It might fit in a technologically advanced destination like Japan with all its gleaming glory but not here. Something with a more natural Woody feel would have gone better. We have so many creative people here in the Maldives but with their hands tied firmyl behind them. Since we are on the subject of limiting creativity, let me tell you how the Air Maldives Logo came to be. Once upon a time when my sister nani was in the Air Maldives she asked my brother beebee to help her design a logo for her. As hard as it was to get him of his lazy ass, she managed to get some sketches out. You know what the treacherous scum at the deciding committee did. They took my bro's design changed some colours and some lines and called it their own. Would he ever wanna design something again???? Why the fuck would he. It feels bad to not be praised for a job well done but even worse to see someone else get all the glory. (damn it felt good to get that off my weighty chest).

I am calling anyone out there who can draw a full circle (nay thats too hard), anyone out there who can tell the difference between a flower and a piece ofTurd. Let us all join hands and "Free Willy". Tear the thing down and drop it into the sea.

Just go up and look at that thing!!! piss pisss