JINNI (I didn't hate it)

There I was on the first night of February on my way to watch a dhivehi film for the very first time on big screen(and secretly telling myself this would be the very last time). I just wanted to share a few laughs with Rynu and co and honestly i didn't think i'd make it past the break. The horror flick was supposed to be, believe it or not 3 whole hours long. 2 hrs of action and 1 hr of songs so what'd you expect me to think. Fathaah the director never fails to amuse me with his ever evolving head of hair. Just two months back it was silky smooth and now its like a bleached dry mop thats been left in the sun for two long. Just when i was about to reach the fourth step on Olympus(not to be confused with Mount Olympus) lo and behold there he was the director, editor and producer of the movie "Mashoor director Fathaah". When you read this story you have to remember that the Maldivian film industry is still in the 1800's. Back in those days you'd find struggling directors waiting outside the theaters to see if everything is in order. I'm guessing he was the only one who had the golden copy of the newly released movie and he didn't want it to fall into the wrong hands(you can never be to careful, good thinkin there). Fathaah had shiny drops of excitement on his face(better than gross man sweat) was walking out so fast probably to elude the wild paprazzi outside(Yes MR. QT you've got competition near the equator).The sight of him made me want to go into the cinema and find out just how much he had managed to violate himself. So there I was sitting in an unbelievably uncomfortable chair sweating bullets cos i had worn a long sleeved top. I had completely over looked the fact that Olympus just like the movie industry was from the 1800's therefore no air conditioning. And then the Bell rang trrrrrrrrrrrr.

The sound was horrible first bad point noted. How could the sound be any good at a theater from the dark ages. Oh yes and so began the movie.........first a lot of crying which made me wanna get up and leave but as it went on...............I never thought I'd say this but Seexan is a seasoned actor now, Amira if that is her name is not bad either and the rest of course leaving Afeefa were not half bad. in fact some of em were very bare able. Afeefa!! if i had any credibility in the movie industry i would tell you to stick to the back ground scenes, preferably as a tree. Seeing as no amount of make up or costumes seem to make you look like a star. I am not being mean but i have to critical of actors cos you guys are just so in the face. Overall i would give the movie 6/10 and i might even consider going to a dhivehi movie again someday...maybe next year!Or maybe right after they install air conditioners.

I can't figure them out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I've been thinking in, outside and around the box and I still can't find out what makes them tick. Cmon you know who i am talking about, its them "gangsters". Well i don't know if real gangsters would want me to call em that. Would a self loving gangster wear skinny jeans and suck on glow stick lolly pops?you tell me. I know its all the rage but I still don't think whoever invented skinny jeans for men was aiming for straight men.

Okay let me list down the "BAydu" stuff they do:

Slashing people with kitchen knives (hard to smuggle in swords and it does the job)

Drug Pushing, dealing, doing,..........

Pimping

Dangerous driving

Disturbing the peace and hooting (although i have immunity around these parts)

Introducing minors

Normally anyone caught doing all of the above would be considered a criminal, bad seed or gangster but before drawing a conclusion lets look at the oddities:

Numero Uno Skinny Jeans

Glow stick lolly pops

Eyeliner

Artifically straightened hair

Extensions (I am not very sure of this one, but its up for effect)

Writing love songs

Late night phone calls to setu kuraa girls (Wouldn't it be more gangstarrish to just propose at gun point or just rape the girl- not giving ideas just pondering )

Getting tipsy with one drink of Vodka... just to name a few

So you see why I am confused about these Public Enemies....I guess all of it combined is a desperate cry for attention. Sadly the only attention they are gonna end up getting is from the Warden at Dhoonidhoo or Feydhoofinolhu.

HAPPY 2010 HOPE THIS YEAR I'LL HAVE MORE TIME TO SPEND WITH MY BLOGGY WOGGY!!

MAJLIS MATCH-UP

It is a Historical day over here in the Maldives, perhaps even around the world. For the first time ever in the history of Football, parliament members are going to play a football match....for charity. Could we be anymore fun loving?? i don't think so. In the past parliamentarians may have sponsored there fair share of football clubs but physically playing in one..it is definitely a first. I foresee bleeding noses, broken ribs, sprained ankles and maybe a heart attack or too. It is definitely going to be fun to watch the match...no doubt about it.
I wonder who the man of the match is gonna be..i think it'll be either Mahloof or Maria they both look fit enuff to win the spot.
In other news Jangiyaa Nazim may have given himself an "atomic Wedgy" one he can't get out of that easily. I know you know what I'm talking about...
gotta go fellas TATA

Tooo long!!

It has been too long since my last post!! I can't imagine I've kept away from my lovely little outlet for so long....I wonder why? Not too long ago i remember my Oh so wise brother telling me that being too satisfied leads to loss of creativity. Of course i dismissed his theory at the time but now i am starting to wonder if he was in fact right. I used to produce more than three programs a week and blog all of the time hmmm is my marriage to blame for this sudden blockade on my creativity vents? Should i break a leg...i mean literally? hahaha the other reason could be cos i've quit my day job at Asa Travels, thats where I always blog. Its hard to write at home with my poopoo peeking at my work all of the time.
I couldn't get a ticket for the event of the year..the return of the Olympians(nope i aint talking about Olympic atheletes but a hit Maldivian music band that made huge waves in the 70's and 80's). I saw some of it on the news and it looked better than i expected from where I was standing. Although some of the singers were a bit out of tune from being stowed away for so long. A big thank you to our Darling president for making it happen.
Aaaaaaaaah well...these days i have two jobs that don't offer a weekend!!! Can't have it all...love yall i will be posting verrrrry verry soooon...
Oh and yes i watched "Watchmen" and it was HElla good for me....
Salaam

The Construction Site

No matter where I go I can't escape the sound

Of constant construction work, banging all around!!

The smell of wet wood wax on the floor

Or the hinging and Unhinging of a door

The dust and fumes are making me sick

I can't stand the sight of another brick

Its a real concrete jungle out here

Buildings coming up in full gear

I need some peace and quiet please

Oh!! will this clutter ever seize

Tell me what do my friend

I don't beleive this will ever end

I guess I'll have to fly away

If I want to find some peace today

God!! send me an all expense paid trip

Or else one of these days I will surely flip

I hate all this noise its killing me

Mute the construction and set my ears free

Amen!!

(I hope greenday performs this song-a girl can dream can't she?!!)

System Overload!!"Evince Model 2009"

Where do I begin? the whole affair is disastrous from the make up to the lame-ass judges and don't even get me started on Susan errgh.

Well lets start with what i like about the show(cos trust me its not a lot). I like the cute little dresses the burugaa woman(no offense but i don't know her name) stitches. The tops, skirts and dresses are very upto date. Mm then what?? Oh yeah!! I also like the fact that somebody made an effort to actually hold such an event...but they should have put more thought and work into it....if you're gonna do something, do it right!!!

Next up, Nizam!!

I think everybody who is commenting about the show on facebook is mistaken. Nizam is not trying to be Simon, or even if he is, he looks more like Miss Jay from Americas next top model..Honestly!! the resemblance is uncanny, give him a flowered hat and some lipstick, Voila!! you've got the fabulous Miss Jay!! Note to Xee:"if i were you I'd do something about Nizams eyebrows and his constant sweating,Gross!!"

Xee

Xee is a pretty girl...............well thats just it. Her makeup is average, her hairstyles are always the same and her comments are not useful in anyway. If you are an authority on something, or pretending to be one in this case you have to be very sure of what you say. You don't have to ask the audience if you are right or not..With Xee its like "thihen hedheema hadi dho? Varah Salhi dho". Even if her appearance is pretty polished the rest of her is as unsophisticated as the models. She showed just how uncultured she is on the last episode of Evince Top Model when she told Suzan that she looked better than Tyra Banks. For shame!! Tyra banks!! the Supermodel who has modelled for all the major labels in the world and who has appeared on the cover of all the major fashion magazines. Well okay lets keep aside Tyra's fame and fortune for one second and compare the two.

Tyra Banks:

Height: 5'11

Measurements: 34-28-40

Suzan whatsisname:

Height: 5'2 at the most

Measurements: 29-25-32(give or take)

readers you be the judges and tell me if Suzan will ever be in the same league as Tyra Banks??the nerve.

Beauty is subjective what is beautiful to me may not appeal to you but you don't diss Tyra on a show about modelling!! Its like Nuzeiru telling Juwairiya on a cookery show down that she is a much better cook than Nigella. So Xee get your facts straight before becoming a judge on TV. Paris Hilton and Jessica Simpson have their own labels too but no one will have them as judges in a show..heheh..If you have money to burn you can open up boutiques and Salons all over Male' but it doesn't make you an authority on Fashion..Na-uh!!

Kiram

Kiram may have been photographing bitches and ho's in Male' since god knows when. But where are his accolades? has he photographed anyone for an international fashion magazine. There is a fat lot of difference between a "photographer" and a "Fashion photographer". I just don't think that Kiram is or can be a fashion photographer. I beleive he is too lecherous to be one...How can you work with female models if you can't keep your dick in your pants??there is a certain something called professionalism which he needs to identify with if he wants to ever become a "Noted Photographer". As for his constant hand gestures: his hands are like a defense mechanism. You can see the lack of confidence in his eyes, if you touch his hands they are probably Ice cold, so inroder to overcome his fear or to disguise it he uses his hands(but i can still see it). Moving back to his insatibale apetite for women, Xee and him may have something going on behind the judges booth. Nizam and Kiram have about 5 inches space between them but Xee and Kiram are stuck together. I guess Kiram is scared that Nizams inner Miss Jay might emerge at anytime.That would scare any man!!

Suzan has never modelled on any of the shows in Male', she has never won any challenges related to fashion, for all i know she hasn't studied fashion and apparently she hasn't been watching fashion Tv that much either..So why is she the right person to host the show?(how lame it might be!!) it beats me. I could do the job as well, i have the same creds, I have never modelled, (oh just that one time for Karl Lagerfeild-but i dont' like talking about it), I never studied fashion..but..Oh now I see why they didn't ask me to do it. I watch a lot of reality shows and I could probably do a better job than Susan., it makes sense now. Referring to yourself as a second person, Honey!! you are so out of your mind. I still am reeling over the fact that she said,"Aharen Tyra ah vaan beynun bama onanee mihaaru vefa ey". I mean," What the Fuck"? Who are you?...Tyra would laugh her ass off if she heard that comment(fact is she will never hear it because face it, Real models don't live in our world). So "Humble" down Sweetheart!!

Damnit I have so much to write but I don't have anymore time!! Gotta get back to work..

love ya

xoxoxox

Top Ten Movies out this Year

10. What Lies Beneath My Beard

This movie stars Sheikh Abdul Majeedh Abdul Baree and Zakeebe

The Storyline:

Sh.Abdul Majeedh Abdul Baaree is disturbed by a little man who has come to inhabit his unkempt beard. The only way out for him is to trim it and suffer eternal damnation...

9-Nashath and Adhil make a Porno

This movie stars Nashath and Adhil Saleem

The storyline:

This movie is based on a true story and is about a couple who unwillingly become the producers and cofounders of the Maldivian Porn industry.

8-What menopausal women want!!

This movie stars Maumoon Abdul Gayoom and a truck load of Menopausal women

The storyline

It is a about a "menopausal babe" magnet. The women become so infatuated with this particular man they start sending him nude pictures, writing songs and even offering their wrinkly body's to him to do as he willed. The movie is aimed at high school kids.

7-Honey! I blew my son in Law

This movie stars Abdullah Hameedh and his ex son in Law.

The storyline

A comedy based on a real life event...A man gets caught giving a blow job to his son in law........well he has some major damage controlling to do (Partial Nudity)

6-Dr Mavota and Mr.Sharyf

The movie stars Mavotaa Shareef

The storyline:

It is about a man who suffers from acute bipolar disease and schizophrenia...it is about his struggles and how he only means well in everything he does. Also why people like him are always misunderstood

5-No Country for Bald Men

The movie stars: Saabe, Adil Saleem,Giyaz,Abdullah Shahid,Ijaa, ADK Nashid

The storyline:

The movie is about Bald men from all walks of life, in the Maldives. What they have to go through in their every day lives. How much abuse and insults they have to face.....

4-L- Word the movie

The Movie stars: Fathin Hameedh and Azima Shakoor plus Suneetha

The storyline:

The Movie is about the secret love affair between two prominent figures in the Maldivian political scene. Word has it that Suneetha was included to attract more viewers as she is relatively easier on the eyes....

3-I knew everything last Summer

Starring: Ibraa

The storyline:

It is about a man who beleives he knows everything. He does not beleive that anybody else knows anything. The movie is serious and comedic at the same time.The sequel to the movie "I still know everything, this Summer" will come out late Summer 2009.

2-The incredible Bulk

Starring: Bandu Muiz

The storyline:

It is about a man who literally ate his way into the Maldivian Justice system ultimately becoming the prosecutor general of the Maldives.The police had had to scan his tum tums to find some of the missing case files....

1-Around the World in 14 days

Starring: H.E President Anni, Ziyattey

The storyline: It is about a restless man who refuses to stay put until he has made a trip around the world. Ziyattey plays the part of passportu his trusty side kick. They only "things" getting in Anni's way are the slow assed body guards. Watch it to find out what he does to overcome the hurdles....Oh and the last of the Mohicans starring Ziyatey will come out later this year.